Without You
by Sam
Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: BtVS are the properly of WB and Joss, I do not own them, this is for entertainment purposes only.
Author's Notes: Originally done as a B/W fic, and rewritten as Buffy Faith, The pain remains the same.
Anguish and Pain ahead: I'm in a dark mood right now this is the result. Feedback is welcome and appreciated.

Faith sat beside the hospital bed listening to the methodical sound of the respirator that her fellow Slayer was hooked up to. In the background she could make out the steady beeping of the monitor that said for now Buffy is OK.

She tightly clenched the blonde's hand, and looked into her unblinking blue eyes, tears slowly ran down her cheek as she gently rocked back and forth in the chair she had spent the last several nights in.

"I wish you would wake, there is so much I want to tell you."

Faith wiped some of the tears for her cry and leaned over next to Buffy resting her head on the slayer's pillow.

"I want to tell you that I love you, I have for awhile now, I don't know why I never said it to you, I guess that I was afraid. I had your friendship and I didn't want to loose that, I guess I was a coward. Fuck why'd I have to wait till now to say this, guess it's like I said I'm a coward. I know you can't hear me, maybe that's why I'm saying it now, maybe the only way I'll be able to say this to you is when you can't hear me."

Faith lifted her head up of the pillow, and leaned shaking back into the chair, her words came out in sobs as she continued to speak to her silent friend.

"I pray that that's not true, I pray that when you pull out of this I'll have the courage to tell you how feel. I want to tell you that I love you, that I want to be with you. I want to tell you that my world revolves around you and that I'll never love anybody as much as I love you."

She stood up and walked over to the window of the hospital room, leaned her head up against the window and was silent for the longest time.

"Why couldn't I tell you that before the demons came and did this to you? I was such a idiot, all the missed opportunities to tell you how I felt, they all fell through the cracks as my cowardliness concealed them from you. If only I could have told you how I feel."

Faith turned around slowly and looked at Buffy as she lay motionlessly in the bed.

"You have to wake you just have to. I don't think I can go on in a world without you. You mean everything to me. I love you so much it hurts. I can't bare to see you like this, but it hurts even more not to be here with you. Please Buffy you just have to wake up."

Her eyes filled with terror as the steady beeping of the monitors gave way to a horrific hum. She dropped to her knees and openly wept as a team of nurses and doctors rushed into the room.

"No, Don't leave me B. Please Don't leave me."


Faith stood alone next to Buffy's grave, tears of anguish freely flowed down her cheeks as she ran her hand slowly across the cold tombstone of her heart's desire.

"We buried you today, everyone came. Giles brought your mom, she's not doing so well right now but none of us are."

She paused for a moment and tried futilely to fight back the wave of sorrow that had consumed her that last few days.

"I miss you so much B, I have no idea how I'm going to continue to go on with you not here. Each day is like a dagger through my heart, I can bare not having you here with me. Fuck, why did you take her from me, I never got the chance to tell her I love her."

Faith dropped to her knees as the pain got the best of her. She wrapped her arms around the tombstone and cried out in anguish.

"Is this the only way I'll ever get to hold. If only I could have said those simple words to you why you were still here. I love, I always have and I always will. I don't think I'll ever be able to love another. B why did you leave me, why did you have to go so soon. I miss you so much I can barely breath, why did this have to happen, Why!"

After a half-hour of waiting for her to finish Willow and Giles slowly walked over to Faith and helped her of the ground, they lead her over to the watcher's car and helped her into the back seat. Faith wiped the tears from her bloodshot eyes, and lowered her head and suffered in silence.

The End