Tears of the Slayer
by Sam
Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Buffy and company belong to Joss. Tears in Heaven belongs to Eric Clapton and Will Jennings.
Spoilers: The Gift.
Author's Notes: Post Gift songfic in Faith's POV. Done to Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton. This was originally written and posted as a Buffy Willow songfic, I've written it as B/F because once again I feel my muse clouded in darkness demanding to be released, for all intents and purposes of this story Faith never sided with the mayor and B/F hooked up shortly after meeting. Feedback is the fuel of my writing fire, I love it.
WARNING: Serious angst ahead.

Faith curled up on her bed, she was alone, lost in a sea of anguish. The last few weeks had been the worst in her life and she had no clue how she was going to continue on. Through tear stained eyes she looked down at the picture of her and Buffy that she held in her trembling hands. It was their prom picture, that night had been one of the best nights of her life but now it's memory haunted her.

*****
	Would you know my name
	if I saw you in heaven?

*****

Why did you have to leave me like that, I never even got to say goodbye, never got to feel your tender lips against mine one last time, never got to tell you how much you mean to me before you left. Oh god I miss you so much,. It feels like I can't breath, OH god how am I gonna live with out you.

*****
	Would you feel the same
	if I saw you in heaven?

*****

If only I could see you one more time, I'd hold you close to me and never let go. The one only thing that even keeps me going is knowing that you gave yourself for me, knowing that you're up there looking down at me, watching over me.

*****
	I must be strong and carry on
	'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...

*****

God B, I love you so much that hurts knowing that we can't be together for now. You were my everything, you believed in me when I didn't even believe in me. You kept me from falling into the darkness, and you loved me when I couldn't even love me. God I love you so much, you didn't deserve this, it should have been me B. God why couldn't it be me. I don't know what to say, what to do, I can barely function. God how am I gonna make it? I wake up in the middle of the night and reach over and you're not there, Oh God why can't you be hear with me, why'd it have to end like this.

*****
	Would you hold my hand
	if I saw you in heaven?

*****

I remember how we use to hold hands as we walked down the street, people would look and stare but it didn't matter to us, all that matter was that we were together. I didn't care what they said or thought, I only cared for you, and when you held in your arms I knew that nothing could hurt me, if only I could feel like that again but I can't. Your gone, taken from way to soon, I never feel like that again.

*****
	Would you help me stand
	if I saw you in heaven?

*****

Faith laid the picture carefully down on her nightstand, she got up out of bed, looked at the clock, it was already noon, she'd missed another day of work not that it mattered. Nothing mattered anymore, how could it, Buffy was her soulmate, the one person who loved her, understood her. The one who gave her life for her and their friends. God B, what am I suppose to do, I'm not gonna make it without you here with me.

*****
	I'll find my way through night and day
	'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven...

*****

Faith took a few steps before her legs gave out, she dropped to her knees and grabbed hold of the night stand as a fresh stream of tears ran down her face.

I gotta go on, I can't keep living like this, but it hurts. It hurts so much, every second I'm awake I wishing you were still here with me, and my dreams are haunted by your memory. OH God why'd you have to take her from me, W-w-why did have to be B.

*****
	Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
	Time can break your heart, have you begging please...

*****

Everyone's been so understanding, they keep saying that it will get better in time, but can't imagine that. I can't imagine any type of life without you but that's what I have now, I have to live without you but I don't want to do it. I want you back here with me, so I can hold you in my arms, tell you I love you…God why can't I have that.

*****
	Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
	And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven...

*****

Faith continued to openly weep as she pulled herself up off the floor, she looked down at the nightstand, and her eyes immediately went to the picture of her and Buffy.

OH God I love you B, I always will. I don't think I can love anyone as much as I loved you. You were everything to me, you always will be.

*****
	Would you know my name
	if I saw you in heaven?

*****

Faith took a few step then collapsed back into her bed crying even harder than before.

*****
	Would you feel the same
	if I saw you in heaven?

*****

How am I supposed to make it without B?

*****
	I must be strong and carry on
	'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...

*****

Faith buried her head in her pillow and cried herself to sleep, thinking that maybe tomorrow she might actually leave her and Buffy's apartment.

The End

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