Disclaimer: The characters of BtVS slayer are the property of Joss.
I am borrowing them for a bit for fun.
Author's Notes: Welcome to my darkside, its going to be a bumpy ride for the slayers, and it's gonna be really dark for a bit but there eventually is a light at the end of the tunnel, I just hope you don't hate me for this one and stick around to see things when they start to get better. Here are a few quick notes on this buffyverse. 1. Dawn is actually Buffy's real sister, no monks or keys involved here. 2. Joyce is alive and well. In addition, there is no Glory. Now with that said and done on with the show. <> Indicates thought.
Thanks: As always a special thanks to Coy for being kinda enough not only to beta read for me but me a most cool friend.
Feedback: Feedback is the fuel to my muse, please send it as it is most yummy.
Faith sat on her bunk looking out at the darken sky from her cell and knew she was where she belonged. After all she had done the slayer knew there was no redemption for her, she had hurt some many peaple, made so many bad decisions, and turned everyone she had ever even thought about caring for against her.
Faith reached under her pillow and pulled out a small wooden box she kept there. She opened the box carefully and removed what had become her most cherished possession in the world. Faith then placed the box on her pillow and with both of her hands held on to the picture as she stared at it.
Faith sat there for a moment just glaring at the picture trying to compose herself before speaking. When she felt like she was ready the brunette let out a soft sigh and began talking.
"B you would have been so proud of me today, big Marcie tried to pick a fight but I just walked away. I know that doesn't make up for all the crap I pulled on you and your friends but I don't think I will ever be able to make that up to you B. I know now what I did was wrong, I don't even know why I did it. I guess I was searching for something, and I thought the mayor could give it. I just wanted to be loved B, but I was stupid, I wish I would have seen what you where offering me but I was scared. Who would have think it B, me scared, kinda funny isn't it. I wish I could say I'm sorry but I know you won't have anything to do with me and I can't say I blame you. I don't want anything to do with me either, I messed up so bad B."
Faith began rocking back and forth on her cot as she tightened her grip on the picture of Buffy, "I'm where I belong, locked away where I can't hurt you or any one else. Oh my God B, I wish I hadn't hurt you, if I could take it back I would, but I can't. There's no redemption for me B, I wish there was but there's not."
Faith leaned forward and put the picture up to her forehead, a solitary tear rolled down her cheek, "I sorry I hurt you B, I so sorry I hurt you."
Faith stayed like that for several moments before straightening back up and looking down at the picture, "Well it's almost lights out B and I got to be up earlier to help get breakfast ready. They are letting me work in the cafeteria now, Betty says I am a decent cook, bet you would have never picture me cooking, huh B. They let me do it cause I haven't got in any fights for so long. I feel good about that B, it's been almost three months since I got in that fight with Big Marci, and she's the one that started it, but I still was wrong. I should of been strong enough just to walk away B, I should have been strong like you but I wasn't. Well now I am just rambling B so I had better get some shut eye, morning comes early here."
Faith placed a quick kiss on the picture before returning it to safety to the wooden box. She slid the box back under her pillow and fell back for another night of nightmares.
The next morning in the cafeteria…
"Hey Spencer get over here," shouted the short brunette guard.
"Yes Ma'am," Faith replied as she went over to see what the guard wanted.
The guard pulled Faith of to the side from her fellow inmates who where getting the serving line prepared, "Did you find out any information on Darci?"
"No all she did was brag about how here drug smuggler boyfriend was gonna have his lawyers get her out of here."
"That's not good, I haven't been able to get any info either, and Her boyfriend's lawyers are picking up the heat."
"I'll try harder then," Faith replied.
"No that's not good, just play it like the Warden told you too, I don't want to see you hurt."
"Why, I'm just another thug like everyone else in here."
"No you're not," the guard states, taking a step closer to Faith, "The warden has seen how you changed since you got here, and that plus you helping me with trying to find out about Darci's boyfriend's operation fairly much clinches a early release next time you go before the parole board."
"I don't deserve it, I've done too many bad things."
The guard eyed Faith for a moment, "I don't know what you did, but I know you don't belong in here, not anymore that is. Now get back to work before anyone gets suspicious."
Faith went over to the serving line and began to help the others get ready for breakfast as the guard sat back and watched the inmates.
The door to the cafeteria flung open as Big Marci, along with Darci and several other inmates entered the cafeteria. The guard stood up and wrapped her fist tightly around her nightstick, with her other hand she began to quickly pull the radio from her belt..
"Looki here, it's under cover Fuz," growled Big Marci as she and the other inmates walked towards the guard.
Faith lept across the counter and rapidly closed the gap between her and her friend. She looked over at Big Marci, "Why don't you guys just get out of here."
"So ya think we're gonna back down because little Ms bad ass wants to help the Fuz," Big Marci growled, "Get 'em girls."
Big Marci's crew rushed towards Faith and the guard. The slayer struck out quickly with a roundhouse kick and sent on of the inmates to the ground, she then quickly knocked two of the others out with powerful jabs as the guard called in for backup.
Big Marci rushed at Faith swinging violently, but the Slayer easily blocked her attackers every swing. She then countered with a series of jabs of her own sending Big Marci reeling backwards.
She moved in to finish the fight only to have one of Big Marci's crew sprayed here in the face with a chemical fire extinguisher.
Faith dropped to her knees screaming, as she tried to get the chemicals out of her eyes.
Big Marci saw what happened and quickly got back up on her feet, "Forget about the Cop, I want that bitch dead!"
The remainder of Big Marci's crew that was still standing quickly decided on Faith and began viscously kicking and hitting Faith.
Faith fell to the ground, unable to see because of the chemicals as the inmates continued to pound on her. The guard hit two of them over the head with her nightstick knocking them out until Big Marci jumped her and knocked her to the ground. Marci then took the nightstick from the guard and pushed one of the inmates, who was unmercifully kicking Faith, out of the way.
Clenching the nightstick in her hand she glared down at the bloodied Slayer and began to strike her repeatedly with the nightstick.
Several guards poured in the cafeteria in full riot gear and began pulling the inmates off of Faith. By the time they had secured the room, Faith was laying on the cold cafeteria floor, her body shaking as she rapidly went into shock.
"We have to get her to the infirmary now," screamed one of the guards as he and another guard picked up Faith.
Los Angeles county hospital...
Faith could hear the beating of her own heart as she lay there in the hospital bed. The last few days seemed like a blur to her, she remembered talking to the undercover police officer, she remembered the other inmates attacking and some spraying something in her face. She recalled falling to the ground as the fell on her in vultures, but that's where her memories ended and this living nightmare began.
She had woke up here two days ago and immediately started screaming. She could hear the doctors and nurses as they rushed into her room and tried to calm her but that only made her scream louder. <I know they're here but why and the hell can't I see them! What the Fuck has happened to me!!>
She could feel a needle pierce her arm, and the tranquilizer being injected. However she couldn't see who was doing it and for the first time since she had been called as a slayer Faith was scared. She found herself alone in the dark, wanting this nightmare to end but knowing that it couldn't because she was really awake.
Tears filled the Brunettes eyes as she slowly moved her hand in front of her face for the thousandth time. She didn't know why she did this, she just did. Maybe one of these times for some reason she would see her hand, but she never did and this time was no different. Faith moved her hand back down by her side and tightly clenched her fist, <I know I fucked up my life! I know I did wrong, but why this. Why did ya let this fuckin' happen!. Can ya hear me God, why this!>
Los Angeles women's correctional facility…
Officer Tammy Risa sat before a special corrections board. Two Judges, the warden, two other guards, and a civil service worker where sitting across from her.
The Warden looked across the wooden table at Tammy, "Officer Risa could you please tell us what happened in the Cafeteria two days ago."
"Yes sir, I went down there in the role of supervising the inmates working in the cafeteria in order to contact Ms. Spencer."
"And why where you trying to contact Ms. Spencer," One of the Judges asked.
"Three months ago I came to warden Davis and asked if there was any inmates who could be trusted to work with me on a under cover job in the prison, the warden recommend Ms. Spencer who had been a model prisoner."
"And what was the nature of this under cover assignment?"
"I was trying to get information from an inmate on her boyfriend's off shore accounts, and money laundering for a drug cartel."
"And Ms. Spencer agreed to help?"
"Yes sir, she did."
The Warden shot a quick look to the two judges and leaned forward, "Officer Risa, what happened in that cafeteria?"
"Some of the inmates managed to find out I was working under cover and came for me. Ms Spencer, came to my aid."
Tammy looked the warden dead in the eyes, "She put herself in-between me and the other inmates and fought them off the best she could until back up could arrive."
"What would have happened if Ms Spencer wouldn't have helped out?"
Tammy took a deep breath as she thought about the warden's question, "They would have killed me."
The warden thanked Officer Risa then dismissed her, he then turned to the Judges, "I asked for hearing to be moved up because not only has Faith Spencer been a model prisoner, I believe she is truly reformed. I have dispositions from three state shrinks who say that the remorse she feels for her actions is greater than they had ever seen, and all three of them came to the same conclusion, she is no longer the same person she was when she got here. I also have affidavits from several guards and staff members that make similar statements."
The warden stood of from his chair, took a deep breath and turned to face the two judges, "Your Honors, not only did Ms. Spencer volunteer to work with a undercover police officer, she also risked her life to save that police officer. Because of that, she might be blind for the rest of her life. I have been working in corrections for 25 years, the last nine of them here as warden and I can tell you this, Faith Spencer no longer belongs in prison, she should be given early release."
Los Angeles county hospital...
Faith's body tightened up when she heard some one entering her room. Her body broke out in a cold sweat as the unknown person made their way to her bed, her mind was racing as she tried to figure out who it was. It was too early for any of the nurses and she hadn't gotten any visitors since she had been brought her.
<Who the hell are you!> Faith was becoming terrified as the unknown person sat down next to her bed. Why where they there, what did they want with her. She felt like she was living in an endless nightmare every time someone walked through that door. She knew they where there but couldn't see who they where. She had made so many enemies in her dark slayer days, plus she knew of a secret world of vampires and demons that very few knew about. It could be anyone or anything that was coming for her and she couldn't see them coming and it terrified her beyond belief <If I only could be back in my cell where I knew I was safe.>
Faith felt like her heart was going to exploded as it kept beating faster and faster, <Who the hell are you!>
"Faith, are you OK," Tammy Risa asked as she noticed how tense the brunette seemed to be.
Faith felt a wave of relief come over her when she heard officer Risa voice, "Yeah I'm…OK, it's just …well…this place is getting to me, I'll be glad to get back to my cell."
Tammy placed her arm on Faith's shoulder, "You're not going back Faith. The warden got you early release, you're free."
Faith laid there in shock as Officer Risa's word sunk in, she didn't know what to do or say. She knew that she didn't deserve to be let go, no matter how good she had been, she had done too much to deserve that, but that was not what was bothering her. It was the word free. How could she be free, the world out there was filled with darkness and evil so vile that most people chose to ignore it and those who actually faced it either embraced it or died trying to fight it. <I'm not gonna make it. I can't even see what I'm facing, they're gonna kill me.>
Officer Risa reached in her purse and pulled out the small wooden box one of the other guards had given to her and placed it in Faith's hands, "I really don't know how to thank you for what you did for me, I owe you my life. I know this isn't alto but the guards said that it was something you seemed to treasure, so I figured you should have it here with you and not have to wait to get it back when you're released from the hospital."
Faith held the small wooden box in her hands, tears started to flw down her cheeks as she thought about what it contained, "T-th-thank you."
"No thank you, you saved my life, it's the least I can do," replied Tammy as she got up to leave.
Faith waited until she was sure she was alone. She placed the box on her chest and carefully opened it. Faith then removed Buffy's picture and ran her hand across it, "B…Oh God B, it hurts so bad. They're letting me go but I can't see a damn thing. I'm gonna walk out of here and the first vamp or bad guy that sees me is gonna kill me and it will be over. I can't fight them, not like this. Hell I won't be even able to see 'em coming B. I know I did a lot of evil stuff B and I hurt you but I didn't want it to end like this B."
Tears where freely flowing down Faith's face as she pressed the picture against her cheek, "If only I could see you one more time, to tell you I'm sorry, to try and make up for hurting you. I just want to see you one more time B, to see how beautiful you are, to be near you for one moment. I know you hate me but I deserve it. I don't expect you to forgive me, I'm beyond forgiveness. I just want to see you one more time B, I just want to say good bye before they come for me."
As Faith held on to Buffy's picture and cried openly the silent figure in the hallway took a few steps back from her room. He reached down into his jacket and pulled out a cell phone. The figure then hit the speed dial button and waited for it to ring.
"Cordelia, this is Angel. I'm at the hospital right now."
"So is Faith gonna be staying with us when she gets out?"
"I don't know, I haven't talked to her yet," Angel paused for a moment, "Could you get my overnight bag ready, I have to go to Sunnydale."
Faith shot up in bed, her body was drenched in a cold sweat, and her heart was pounding rapidly in her chest. The brunette's body was trembling as she clenched the sheets tightly, "Where the hell am I? What's going on?"
She heard the sound of footsteps rapidly approaching her room, <who where they, why are they coming>. She slid as far back against the headboard as her body would allow. The whole time holding onto the bed sheets, afraid that if she let go of them she would fall from where ever she was.
She heard an unfamiliar voice off to her right ask her what was wrong. She turned towards the voice, her heart racing in terror <Why can't I see who you are? Why can't I see where I am?>
The head nurse slowly moved towards Faith and spoke in a calm reassuring voice, "Ms. Spencer everything is going to be OK, just tell me what is wrong."
"What's wrong! What's wrong is I don't know where I am! What the hell is going on here? What have you done to me?" Faith cried in a panic.
The nurse moved a little closer to Faith; "You're at Los Angeles county hospital. You where brought here after a riot at the prison, do you remember that?"
It took Faith a moment to put together the nurse's words and when she did it all came back to her. The cafeteria, Big Marcie and the other inmates, the fire extinguisher, waking up hear and having the doctors tell her that the chemicals in the fire extinguisher had blinded her. She tried to calm herself down but found it difficult to do. <Why can't I see who's in here with me? It's not right, I should be able to see who is in this damn room with me.>
"I'm in the hospital?"
"That's right, your in the hospital, and everything is going to be OK."
<She's lying, why the hell is she lying? I can't fuckin' see! It's not OK, it's never gonna be OK again.>
The nurse slowly moved her hand towards Faith, "Ms. Spencer I'm gonna help you lay back down in bed so you can get some rest."
<Great, is this what I'm reduced to? Having to have people tell me when they are getting close to me so I won't be scared, I'm the freakin' Slayer, I'm not suppose to be afraid of a nurse. What the hell is happening to me?>
Faith felt her body tense up as the nurse helped her lie back down in her bed. The nurse then placed a pill in Faith's hand, and a glass of water in the other, "It's a sleeping pill, you need your rest."
<I know they're watching. What if I spill the water on myself like last time? I can't do this! I can't even drink a damn glass of water.>
Faith popped the pill in her mouth, and nervously began moving the glass of water towards her mouth, <This shouldn't be hard. Why is this so fuckin' hard?>
She felt the rim of the glass touch her lips, <please don't let me spill any this time, please not why they are watching.>
Faith waited for the nurses to leave her room before reaching under her pillow and removing the small wooden box from it's hiding place. She didn't know why she still hid it like that; there wasn't anyone here that would take it from her. Maybe she had just gotten used to it being close to her when she slept.
She placed the box on her chest, and removed Buffy's picture, "What's happening to me B? I'm scared, and I'm not supposed to be scared. I don't know what to do, I don't know how long I'm gonna last like this B. I mean how long before the vamps figure out what's happened, then when they do it's curtains for me. I know I probably deserve it for all I done but I don't want to go out like this B. If only I could see you again before they come."
Buffy paced back and forth across the living room of Giles house, trying to figure out what possessed Angel to show up in Sunnydale and insist that she needed to go to LA and see Faith. After all the dark slayer had done to them, done to her. Angel had the gall to show up here and tell her she had to go to LA. <What the hell is he thinking?!>
She shot a quick glare over at Angel who was sitting nervously next to Giles. At first they had thought that he had come to warn them that Faith was getting out of the prison, but then he started going on about how she has changed, how she was a different person now and that she had been hurt at the prison and Buffy needed to go see her, <Like that's ever going to happen. Not after what she did.>
Buffy stopped pacing, turned and faced Angel giving him a rather cold stare but not saying a word. The souled vampire stood up and walked over towards her, "Buffy this is important, you have to hear me out."
If looks could kill Angel would have been turned to dust on the spot by Buffy's glare; "I've already heard enough."
"No you haven't. Faith's not the dark slayer she used to be. She's changed Buffy, and she needs you."
"Like hell she has! Faith can't change; it's what she is. I just can't believe you were gullible enough to fall for her lies again, not after last time."
"She's not lying," Angel firmly insisted.
"And just how do you know that!"
"I saw it when I was at the hospital, I heard it as she talked not knowing I was there…"
Buffy slammed her fist on the table intruding Angel in mid sentence,
"Then you saw wrong!"
"Buffy I know what I saw..."
The slayer grabbed a book of the table and threw it forcefully into Angels' chest, "You don't know. You're blinded by your need to help, but it's not going to do any good, she's beyond help, she can't change!"
"That's not true Buffy, and you know it."
"You're wrong, it is true," Buffy bitterly replied, "I know it all to well. I tried to change her, tried to help her but all she did was turn on all of us."
Buffy walked up to Angel and stared him dead in the eyes, "After the deputy mayor I tried everything I could do to help her, and she repaid that by kidnapping Willow and trying to kill her, or have you forgotten that."
"I haven't forgotten."
"Good! Because that is what Faith is. It was Faith who tried to kill my friends, it was Faith who poisoned you, it was Faith who came out of a coma and tried to steal my life and hit my Mom."
"Buffy that's in the past, you have to move on."
"I have moved on, I just haven't forgotten what she is, but you seem to have."
"I'm not done yet," Buffy screamed, "I don't care what you say, or how much she has fooled you. I'm not going to allow myself to be taken in by her again, I can't afford it."
Angel placed his hands on Buffy's shoulder but the slayer knocked them off. He took a few steps back and stared at her for a moment, "Buffy I know what she did, I know that she hurt you, she hurt all of us. But I wouldn't be here if it wasn't different this time. If you could only see her, listen to what she has to say then you would know that I am telling the truth."
Angel took a few steps back towards Buffy and reached his hand out to her, "Come with me to LA and see for yourself."
Buffy looked down at Angel's hand and slapped it away, "NO. If you want to help her then do it, but don't come crying to me when she turns on you."
Angel looked at Buffy then turned to the others desperately, "You forgave me after what I did. If I can change so can Faith, could someone please help me here."
Giles turned avoided looking at Angel and pretending to sip on his tea. He wasn't sure if Angel was right this time but he knew that it was best not to agitate Buffy anymore, the slayer had a very stubborn streak in her and there was no way anyone was going to convince her to go to LA anytime soon.
Xander and Anya both just sat there watching the whole scene. Not wanting to get pulled into this and risk Buffy getting mad at them too.
Angel looked over at where Willow and Tara were sitting, his eyes begging for help. The blonde found herself wishing that she could just crawl in a hole somewhere to get away from this whole mess but her girlfriend was a different story.
Willow stood up, clenching her fist, and with fire in her eyes. For the second time that evening Angel was glad looks couldn't kill.
"Buffy's right! You have no right to come in here like this and tell her that she needs to go to LA and see Faith."
Willow then walked over next to her best friend and glared at Angel, "Faith's a nightmare, she tried to kill all of us, I had nightmares for a long time after she kidnapped me and if it wasn't for the people in this room I would still be having them."
"Willow, what Faith did to you and the others was wrong, but she was a different person then…"
"No! She wasn't! She was the same person that's in that hospital in LA. She's not ever gonna change, she can't change."
Buffy took her best friend by the hand and shot a cold stare to Angel, "I've had enough of this, get out!"
"I said GET OUT! I don't want to hear this anymore so just go, there's nothing you can say that is going to change my mind."
"GO," Buffy screamed, pointing at the door.
Angel slowly walked over to the door with his head hung down; he turned around and looked at Buffy and the others one last time before leaving, "If you change your mind I'm not leaving till tomorrow you know where to find me."
Angel then turned away and walked out of Giles' house defeated.
Later at Willow and Tara's dorm room...
"W-willow, can we talk," Tara nervously asked.
Willow hoped on the bed next to Tara, "We can always talk, you know that."
"It's about tonight at Giles, it's… well, it's…"
"It's...you should go see her."
"What? Tara you don't know what she's like."
"I do know, I was here when she took Buffy's body and you've filled me in on the rest. I don't know if she has changed or not, but I do know that people can change and that we should at least go and see if what Angel is saying is true."
"Tara this is Faith we're talking about, don't you realize that?"
"I do, I also know that anyone can change, look at Angel he's a vampire with a soul."
"That was magic, it's different with him."
"No it's not, if you can cast a spell to give a vampire his soul back then maybe Faith can change."
"Angel didn't have a soul when he did those things, Faith did, and she still chose to be evil" Willow exclaimed.
"That doesn't mean that she can't change, you should at least go see if what Angel said was true or not."
"Why, why should I go," Willow asked trying not to get mad at her girlfriend.
Tara gently wrapped her arms around Willows waist, "Because you're Willow, it's who you are."
"Tara, what in the world are you talking about" Willow confusingly asked.
"I'm talking about the kindest, most caring person I have ever met. Willow you're amazing, I knew it the first time I saw you. I knew that you where caring and compassionate. Sweetheart, Angel said she needs our help, we should at least go and see if she's really changed."
"What if she tries to trick us again, what if she lies."
"We could use a spell, you know so we can tell if she is telling the truth."
Willow looked at Tara for a moment and placed her hand on her lovers' shoulder, "I don't think I can do it Tara."
Tara pulled Willow into a hug and kissed her forehead, "I'll be there for you, we'll know if she's changed or not."
"But she did so much, she hurt all of us."
"You're not going to be able to move on if you hold on to the past. You have to let it go Willow. If she's changed she deserves another chance."
"And if she hasn't?"
"Then we come back here and tell Buffy and the others, and we go on with our lives."
Willow looked into Tara's eyes and placed her head on the blonde's shoulder, "I'm scared, I don't know if I can face her after what she's done."
"I know, but it's going to be OK. I'm gonna be there for you."
"I know but..."
Tara kissed Willow's lips and ran her figures through Willow's silky red hair, "I'm not going to let you down, I won't let you fall."
LA, Angel Investigations...
Willow lung to Tara's hand as they sat nervously on a couch at Angel's downtown office and waited for the brooding vamp to take them to the hospital. She wasn't really sure how her girlfriend had convinced her to come here but she had and now she was already regretting it. Sure Angel was going to be with them, and they where both pretty powerful Wicca's but still this was Faith they where talking about. It didn't matter that she was in the hospital, that her injuries had left her blind, the fact remained that it was Faith they where going to see.
Faith who no matter what they did to try and stop her kept on coming, Faith who tried to kill them, Faith who stole her best friend's body and hurt Tara's feelings. <Why did I listen to Tara and let her convince me to come here, I didn't want to come here, but I can't help it, every time I look at her, look into her beautiful eyes I can't think. She knows I can't resist those eyes, just once I would like to be able to look at Tara and not totally cave in.>
Willow tightened her grip on Tara's hand when Angel came into the room. He looked at the two young women who were sitting nervously on his couch and smiled.
"You don't have anything to be afraid of, she's not the Faith you knew, she really has changed."
Willow glared at Angel for a moment, "That's easy for you to say, you're a vampire, plus you have a little slayer blood in you, where just, well just us."
Angel walked over to the couch and put placed his hands on Willow and Tara's shoulders, "It doesn't matter, she's changed, plus I'm going to be there," Angel paused for a moment, "I won't let anyone hurt you two while you're in LA."
Willow and Tara both nodded in agreement. Willow looked up at Angel, "Is there anything we should know before we see her."
"I've already told you about her sight, and that she isn't the same Faith you knew."
"I know but is there anything else."
Angel took a deep breath and didn't say a word.
"Angel, what is it? You have to tell us everything or I'm leaving here and going straight back to Sunnydale," Willow exclaimed.
"They have her on behavior modification drugs."
Willow gave Angel a cold stare, "drugs? Didn't it cross your mind that she seems different because of the drugs, and if she goes off of them she's bad again!"
"They don't work like that Willow."
"And how do you know that!"
"I did some research, talked to some of the doctors who are treating her, the drugs are for depression, they help her deal with her guilt from what she did and her injury."
"A while now, the doctors at the prison put her on a regiment of modification drugs to help her with rehabilitation."
"Angel you lied to us," Willow screamed as she jumped up from the couch.
"How did I lie, I told you everything."
"You said she had changed, that she was different, but the only reason that she is different is because they had to put her on behavior modifications drugs!"
"I said it wasn't the drugs than made her change Willow. She did that on her own, the drugs didn't do anything but help her cope."
"If that's the case then why did they see fit to put her on them!"
"They didn't," Angel replied.
Willow gazed at Angel for a moment, she was angry at him because she felt they had been tricked into coming here but at the same time she had to know what he was trying to tell them, "If they didn't think she need to be on the modification drugs then why did they put her on them?"
"Because Faith asked them to do it."
"She what," Willow questioned in astonishment.
"I talked to her doctor. He said that Faith wanted to change but was afraid that she couldn't. The remorse she felt for what she had done was tremendous. He said that when she came to him that she begged for help, she wanted to turn a new leaf but felt like she was unable to change because she had done so much."
"I don't understand this, she asked them to and they did it. That doesn't sound right. I think she's been taking you again."
"Willow the drugs didn't make her repent she did that on her own, all they did is help her not to be too depressed while she was trying to change."
"So they take her guilt away from her! Is that what you call changed!"
"They didn't take her guilt away, she still feels it everyday, it's something she is going to have to always live with. Trust me, I know what that's like, and it's no fun. All the drugs do is help her from being too depressed so she can face her past and try to make a future."
Willow wrapped her arm around Tara, "I'm not sure about this Angel. I mean if the drugs did that and you say she has changed then why is she still on them."
"It's not that simple. She still feels tremendous guilt over what she has done, she knows that she needs to make amends for her past," Angel paused for a moment, "and that's a hard burden to bare I know, I've been doing it for a few hundred years now. Plus you have to remember that she is blind now and that's not going to help her any emotionally."
"I'm still not sure about this," Willow reluctantly replied.
"Then come to the hospital with me and see for yourself."
LA county Hospital...
Faith leaned back against the headboard of the hospital bed running her hand slowly across the small wooden box that held her most prized possession. After a few minuets, she was fairly certain that the last of the nurses had left her room. She opened up the box and carefully removed the picture of Buffy and held it in her hands.
From the hallway Willow started to say something but Angel gently put his finger over her lips and leaned over and whispered in the redheads ear, "I don't like spying on her like this but you and Tara need to see this so you'll have to be quite for a little bit longer."
Willow gave him a nod then turned her attention back to Faith's room.
Tears started rolling down Faith's cheeks and she let out a low sigh. "Why can't I see you B? I really wish I could see you. I don't know what I'm suppose to do anymore, I'm so confused. When I was in prison I knew why I was there. I messed up my life and hurt people and I needed to be there because it's where I belong."
The brunette slayer leaned her head back against the headboard and brought Buffy's picture closer to her, "They're letting me go B, I don't know why, I don't deserve it, I shouldn't be allowed out, I've done too much, I hurt you B, and I can't take it back. God, if I only could take it back B, if only I could take it all back."
Faith's whole body was trembling as she openly wept, her words now only came in-between her sobs of agony and torment, "I know you can never forgive me B, I don't deserve that but I want you to know I'm sorry. If only I could have seen what was right there in front of me then maybe it could have been different. I was an idiot B, I was afraid to see it, afraid that it was only an illusion. I was blinder then than I am now. I wish I could go back, take away all the wrong I did, but I can't. God B, if only I could, if only I could make things right."
Faith started rocking back and forth in her bed, her tears freely flowed down her face, and she wasn't able to talk anymore.
Willow and Tara both felt that their hearts were going to break, the spell they had cast let them both know that Faith was sincere but they didn't need a spell to tell them that, they could see it in her eyes.
Willow stepped into the room with Angel and Tara right behind her. Faith's head shot up and looked straight at the doorway. She quickly placed Buffy's picture back in the box and pulled it up against her chest.
"Who's there, what do you want with me, " Faith cried in a near panic.
"Faith it's me, Angel," replied the vampire as he moved past Willow towards Faith's bed.
"You came back to see me again," Faith replied with a hint of shock in her voice. <I hope he didn't overhear me again, please let him just to have gotten here.>
"Of course I did, you're not going to have to go through this alone Faith."
"Thanks, uh you didn't, uh hear anything did ya?"
"No we just got here," Angel replied trying to save the brunette slayer a little face.
"Yes, we. I brought some of the others with me this time, they wanted to see you."
"You did," Faith questioned as her anticipation began to grow. <Please God let it be Buffy, please let it be Buffy.>
Willow held on to Tara's hand tightly as she walked over next to Angel, "Faith, it's me Willow, I'm here with Tara."
Faith took a big gulp of air and asked the one question she was afraid to hear the answer to, "is Buffy with you?"
Willow heard the anticipation and fear in Faith's question, she took a seat next to the bed and Tara did the same. "She couldn't make it Faith," Willow replied hoping her lie was convincing.
<What was I thinking, of course she's not her, why would she want to see me.> "I understand…Red could, could you stay awhile?"
Willow looked back at Angel and Tara who both nodded yes, "yeah we can stay."
Willow and Tara both sat there for what felt like forever and a week, both of them unsure of what to say to the former dark slayer. Finally, after several very uncomfortable minutes Faith broke the silence,
"Red…I'm, s-sorry for what I did."
Willow knew that Faith meant what she said but still found the words hard to believe. She wanted to tell Faith that she knew she was sorry and that it was going to be OK but she couldn't force the words out as she sat there staring at the brunette.
"I don't expect you to forgive me, I know I don't deserve it for what I did, it's just that I had to say it, I had to let you know I was sorry," Faith sobbed.
Willow felt her heart breaking inside as Faith's words raced in her minds, she reached out and touched Faith's shoulder causing the slayer to flinch, "Faith, I know you're sorry for what you did."
"But your not going to forgive me," Faith softly replied in-between tears.
Angel and Tara both looked at Willow waiting to see how she was going to respond. The redheaded Wicca was just sitting there not saying a word with her hand on Faith's shoulder.
Willow took her hand off of Faith's shoulder and took her hand, "Faith…" <Why is this so hard to do.>
"Faith I…I...Faith it's going to be OK, it's going to take time but it's going to be OK."
Willow then took a deep breath and said the hardest thing she had ever had to say, "I forgive you."
Faith clench Willow's hand, tears running down her cheeks. For a moment she even forgot that Buffy hadn't come with them to see her and for the first time she saw a glimpse of hope, <if Red can forgive me then maybe, just maybe Buffy can.>
Buffy sat in her room staring at the clock on the wall, it had been a half hour since Willow had called to let her know that Tara and her where back in Sunnydale and said they needed to talk. She only hoped that Faith hadn't been able to fool her friends like she had fooled Angel. What she really wanted was for Willow to come back and tell her that she had been right, that way they could put this whole mess Angel had created by showing up in the first place behind them.
The slayer looked at her alarm clock then at her watch, <What in the hell is keeping them, they should have been here by now.> She got up and started pacing back and forth across her room, every couple minutes glancing down at her watch, <why haven't they gotten here yet.>
Willow held on to Tara's hand as the two Wicca nervously looked at Buffy's door. They had been standing there for almost 15 minutes now and still hadn't gotten up the courage to knock on the door. They knew that Buffy most likely wasn't going to take what they had to say very well and hopped that she would listen, but sometimes she could be so stubborn.
"Willow, are you r-ready?"
"Not really. What if she won't listen?"
"We're her friends, she'll listen."
"But this is Buffy, she's not exactly strong in the listening department, plus she wasn't that thrilled with us for going to LA with Angel."
Tara turned and faced Willow, she put her free hand on the redheads shoulder, "We have to try and make her understand things are different with Faith now."
"And if she doesn't believe us?"
"Then at least we tried."
"Okay. Let's do this."
Buffy watched as Willow and Tara sat nervously on the edge of her bed, "So how was LA?"
"It was nice, definitely nice. Wouldn't you say it was nice Tara?"
"Yeah it was nice."
<They're acting weird something's not right,> Buffy leaned forward in her chair, "Are you two OK? Faith didn't hurt you? Did she?"
"No it's nothing like that," Willow exclaimed, "It's just that…well…"
Willow took a deep breath, <Okay here we go,> "She's different Buffy."
"How so," Buffy asked, not liking for one second the way this conversation was going.
"She's changed," Willow replied as she squeezed Tara's hand, "she's not like she used to be."
"I see, and what made you come to that conclusion," Buffy asked with a hint of anger in her voice.
"We talked to her, for a long time, she's sorry for what she did Buffy. I mean really truly sorry."
"No she's NOT! It's all a lie Willow, can't you see it, she's trying to manipulate you two just like she did Angel."
"Buffy she wasn't lying."
"And just how would you know that! Faith's like a professional liar, it's what she does, it's part of who she is!"
<God this is going bad, she's not going to listen.>
Willow took several deep breaths as she tried to re-organize her thoughts, they had to get Buffy to listen to them some how, "W-w- we..uh well, we…"
"You what," Buffy snapped.
"We did a spell, w-we would know if she was lying or n-not," Tara replied.
"A spell," Buffy asked, sounding slightly deflated.
Willow draped her arm around Tara's shoulder, maybe now Buffy would listen, "Yeah we cast it before we went to see her, if she told us anything but the truth we would have know."
Buffy flopped back down in her seat as she tried to take in what Willow and Tara had just said. Willow got up and moved over next to Buffy, "She didn't fool us or Angel Buffy. Faith really has changed, she regrets all the stuff she did."
Tara walked up next to Willow and took her hand, "Buffy she's right. Faith is a different person now."
Willow saw that Buffy wasn't going to say anything, <Good she's listening,> "Buffy, she asked me to forgive her, it was hard but I did it."
Buffy jumped straight up out of her chair startling the two witches, "You WHAT!!"
"Wills, have you gone mad. This is Faith you can't forgive her."
"Buffy, you don't understand."
"No! I understand perfectly, she tricked you and Tara just like she tricked Angel. She hasn't changed, can't you see it."
"Buffy! Faith didn't trick us, if she had tried to the spell would have picked it up."
"Then she found a way to get around your spell," A very agitated Buffy exclaimed.
"Buffy she didn't know we cast a spell. How's she gonna get around it?"
"I don't know, but she did. It's the only explanation."
"And why is that," Willow argued.
"Because she can't change!"
<God why won't she listen> "Buffy people change everyday."
"And why not?"
"Because she's Faith. Don't you remember what she's done, how she hurt everyone."
"Buffy I do remember," Willow replied on the verge of tears, "How could I not remember."
"Then how can you stand here and tell me that's she's changed and that you forgave her," Buffy retorted.
"Because she has. I would have never believed it if I hadn't seen it for myself, but Faith has changed."
Willow moved over and stood right in front of Buffy, "Look I know it's hard to believe but it's the truth. You're my best friend and I wouldn't do anything to stir you wrong so you have to believe me that she's different."
Willow placed her hands on Buffy shoulders, "Buffy forgiving Faith was one of the hardest things I ever done, but I did it. If I can do that you could at least go and see her."
Buffy lowered her head and just shook it, "No, I can't do it."
"But why Buffy," Willow pleaded, "Why can't you go see her. We would go with you."
"I can't do it Willow, I just can't do it!"
"Because I just can't!"
"But nothing," Buffy exclaimed, "I'm not going to see her and that's final."
"Buffy," Willow pleaded.
"Wills you're my friend, and I can respect it if you want to forgive Faith but I'm not going to," Buffy stated turning away from Willow and Tara, "This conversation is over."
Willow looked over at Tara in desperation, "What do we do now?"
Tara wrapped her arm around Willow, "There's nothing we can do, and she's not going to listen."
Buffy waited for Willow and Tara to leave. She walked over towards her desk, tears forming in her eyes. She clenched her fist tightly then punched the top of her desk so hard that it broke in half <Damn! After all this time, why now.>
ACT SIX: Tara
"Why does Buffy have to be so stubborn. She wouldn't even listen to us," Willow blurted out as soon as Tara had shut the door to their room.
Tara saw how frustrated their confrontation with Buffy had made her girlfriend. She walked over to Willow and pulled her into a comforting hug, "Give her time, from everything you told me Faith hurt a lot of people."
"I know, she hurt me too, but I forgave her. It was hard to do but I did it. Why can't Buffy just go see her?"
"But you didn't want to even go see her at first, you gave the same arguments that Buffy did."
"But I still went," Willow retorted.
"Only after I convinced you to do it and we cast a spell."
Willow rested her head on Tara's shoulder, "I know. I had just hoped we would be able to convince Buffy to go."
"Faith betrayed her, tried to kill her friends, stole her body, and hit her Mom while Dawnie was in the house, Buffy's not going to go running up to LA just because we tell her she could."
"We just didn't tell her to go, we went there first, we talked to her, we made sure Faith wasn't just pulling the wool over Angel's eyes again."
"It's going to take Buffy awhile, we shouldn't have excepted her to listen the first time."
"But we're her friends. Buffy knows that I wouldn't do anything that might hurt her. Why won't she believe me," Willow sobbed, "Why won't she trust us?"
"She does trust us Willow," Tara replied, "it's Faith she doesn't trust."
"I know, I just wished she would have listened," Willow sighed, "Maybe I should have told her what we overheard?"
"It would have only freaked her out, and probably ruined any chance of any of us getting her to go to LA."
Willow lifted her head up of Tara's shoulder and stared lovely into hr girlfriend's eyes, "Tara you know I kinda of love you."
"I kinda of love you too."
Willow took Tara's chin in her hand and kissed the blonde Wicca tenderly on the lips, "Thanks."
"That was nice," Tara softly replied, "But what are you thanking me for?"
"For being hear for listening, plus like a dozen other things that make me love you even more."
Tara ran her hands through Willow's hair and returned her lovers kiss. The two of them then just stood there in the middle of the room, holding one another lost in the moment.
Buffy looked at the remains of her desk and frowned, She had done a lot of thinking while on patrol and knew that the desk hadn't deserved to get smashed like that. She also realized that she was going to have to apologize to Willow and Tara in the morning, neither of her friends getting yelled at like that, it wasn't their fault that Faith was somehow able to trick them.
She walked over to the broken desk and began picking up the pieces, <Just when I was starting to get over everything she did, this has to happen.>
Buffy tossed a couple of the smaller pieces of the desk in the wastebasket and headed over to the door.
"Hi, Buffy, can I come in," Tara nervously asked.
"Okay, but we're not talking about Faith, I don't want to argue again."
Tara stepped into Buffy's dorm room, "Good because I'm not hear to talk to you about her."
Buffy looked at Tara with a slightly confused look on her face as she shut the door, "Tara it's kinda late, can't whatever you have to say wait to morning?"
"Not really," Tara responded, "It's about Willow."
"Willow? Is something wrong? Is she okay," Buffy asked in a panicked voice.
"She's okay, I slipped out after she fell asleep to talk to you."
"Because she was so upset it took forever for me to get her calmed down."
"Tara, I sorry, I didn't mean to upset Willow, it's just that…"
Tara walked over to the slayer and put her hand on the blonde's shoulder, "I know Buffy, so does Willow. It's just the whole argument got her really upset."
Tara glanced over at the broken desk then turned back to Buffy, "It looks like it got you pretty upset too."
Buffy walked over to a chair and motioned for Tara to sit on her bed, "Yeah it did. I'll tell Willow I'm sorry in the morning."
"That's good, I think she'll be happy to hear that," Tara replied, "but you know she's gonna want to talk about Faith again. Willow can be pretty persistent when she wants to be."
"I know Tara but I just can't do it."
"Because it hurts to talk about it," Tara asked.
"Yeah. Look you seem to understand where I'm coming from on this, maybe you could talk to Willow, I really don't want to get in any more arguments with you two."
"I know you don't, but Willow seems pretty much set on trying to get you to go to LA."
"That's not good," Buffy replied wondering how she was going to handle this situation with her best friend.
"No it's not. I ended up making out with Willow for like half a hour to finally get her all the way calmed down. Not that I mind, because I am always up for making out with Willow but now I am going to be late on my psych paper that I should have been working on."
"Tara," a rather stunned Buffy asked.
"You're talking about making out with Willow."
"Your point being," Tara asked, <It's working, I almost have her where I need her.>
"It's just surprising, that's all"
<Just a little further,> "And why is that?"
"Because you never talk about that kinda of stuff, you always seem well…"
"I didn't want to say it," Buffy reluctantly admitted.
"It's okay, I know I'm shy," Tara answered pausing for a moment, "It's taken me a long time to get to this point. A few months ago I couldn't have gotten it out without stuttering and you know why?"
"Because I changed. I owe a big part of that to Willow, she helped me grow, gave me courage to be more open."
Suddenly Buffy found herself feeling like a small fish on a big hook, "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because people change Buffy, it happens every day. I met Willow, and she changed my life, because of her I have more confidence and friends than I ever had before. You might think this is kinda of crazy, you might not even like to hear it but look around you. Willow's not the same girl you knew in high school, I've changed a lot since we met."
Tara got up from her chair and walked over to where Buffy was sitting, "Willow told me how you were when you first came to Sunnydale, so you've changed a lot to. Everyone changes Buffy, look at Xander, he's grown a lot more matures over the last year, Dawn's growing up, Anya used to be a vengeance demon and now she's hopelessly in love with Xander."
"Where are this going," Buffy asked fearing she already knew the answer.
"Buffy if all those people can change so can Faith. I know you don't want to hear that, for some reason it's easier for you to think of her as the dark slayer than some one who wants redemption. I don't know why but you do."
"Tth-that's not true," Buffy stammered.
"I think it is. I saw it in your eyes when Willow was talking to you earlier and I can hear it in your voice. Buffy, Faith has changed. You could go and see it for yourself but you don't want to."
"Buffy no one can make you go, that's something you have to do on your own, so I'm not even going to try, but you're my friend, and I want to help."
"Help," a puzzled Buffy asked, "With what?"
"Buffy whatever it is that makes it so you can't accept Faith changing is holding you back. It doesn't matter if you ever go see her, but as long as whatever it is that makes you unable to accept that she might be able to change is still there it's gonna eat at you. I want to help you face that if you'll let me."
Buffy looked up at Tara unsure what to say, unsure if she should tell anyone what she was feeling.
"Buffy, please let me help."
"I, don't know if I can, it's so hard."
"You have to try Buffy, you'll never get over whatever it is if you don't."
Buffy lowered her head and replied in a voice barely above a whisper, "It's Faith she hurt me so bad, I'm afraid if I go see her she'll only hurt me again."
"Faith hurt a lot of people Buffy, but she has changed, you got to give her another chance."
"I gave her lots of chances, and I got burned every time, I don't know if I can take it if I let her get close again."
"We'll be there with you, if you want some of the others could come along too. They know what she was like, they know what she did to hurt you."
"No they don't," Buffy cried, "I never told anyone what she did to me."
Tara knelt down in front of Buffy and placed her hand on top the slayer's hand, "What did she do Buffy, you can tell me."
"I'm not sure if I can."
"You'll never know unless you try."
Buffy took a deep breath, "When she hurt me it was different than when she hurt everyone else."
"Because you're a slayer?"
"No, that's not it," Buffy relied, her eyes filling with tears as the painful memories swept to the front of her mind.
"Then what is it?"
"She broke my heart Tara. I loved her and she broke my heart."
Tara took a moment to get over the initial shock of Buffy's revelation, "She broke your heart?"
Buffy looked at the blonde Wicca but didn't say a word, she didn't have to, her tear filled eyes told Tara. Gave Tara her answer, "I'm sorry I didn't know."
"No one did," Buffy softly sobbed.
<What do I do now, I wasn't expecting anything like this,> "Buffy, do you want to talk about it?"
"I don't know if I can, or even if I should."
"You look at you, it's preventing you from going to LA to see if what me and Willow said was true. It's practically tearing you up inside."
"It still hurts Tara. It shouldn't but it does," Buffy cried.
"You never talked about it, you've kept it all locked up inside you," Tara gently spoke putting her hand comfortably on the slayers shoulders, "Buffy, you're never gong to be able to get past this if you can't open up about it. If you want, I'm here to listen."
Buffy looked up at Tara and wiped the tears from her eyes, "Okay but, you'd better call Willow, she's gonna want to hear this and I don't know if I can talk about it twice."
Tara walked over to Buffy's phone, picked it up and dialed, "Willow, it's Tara."
"Tara, where are you, is everything alright?"
"I'm okay. Willow, I'm at Buffy's..."
"Buffy's, what are you doing there?"
"After you fell asleep I decide to give it another shot..."
"Did she listen," Willow hopefully asked.
"Yeah, she listened."
"Then she's going to LA?"
"Not exactly, but I have an idea why she doesn't want to go."
"From what she just said I think she was in love with Faith."
"Oh my God! Give me ten minutes and I'll be there."
Willow and Tara sat on the edge of the bed and watched Buffy as she fidgeted in her chair. Neither one of them was sure what to say so they where sitting there giving her all the time she needed.
Buffy took several deep breaths. <Why after all this time am I doing this?> She rocked back in her chair and looked straight at Willow and Tara, "I don't know where to start."
"Tara said that Faith broke your heart," Willow replied in an effort to help Buffy open up.
Buffy felt her entire body tense up as her eyes started to tear up for the second time that evening, "I…I loved her…but…"
Willow and Tara got up and went over to Buffy. Willow placed her hand on Buffy's shoulder, "It's going to be okay, me and Tara are here for you."
"Thanks," Buffy said, "She hurt me Wills, hurt me bad. When Angel came back and said that Faith had changed and that I should go see her…it all came back; everything we had, everything that happened, and it hurt just like it was yesterday. I thought I was over it but I was wrong," Buffy cried, "God why did I have to be wrong? Why can't I get over this?"
"I don't know Buffy, but I'm willing to try and find out if you'll let me," Willow paused for a moment and knelt down in front of Buffy, "What happened?"
"She broke my heart," Buffy softly replied, "I loved her, I thought she loved me but she didn't."
"Are you sure she didn't," Willow asked, her mind replaying what they had heard at the hospital.
"Yeah, I am. If she loved me like I loved her she would have never sided with the Mayor."
"Maybe she was just confused, people do strange things when they're confused."
"I was confused! I loved her but I didn't know how everyone would take that, thought I might lose my friends, I was afraid that Mom and Dawn wouldn't understand, that somehow they would love me less because of it. I didn't know what to do, all that I really knew is that I loved her, so you can't tell me that maybe she was confused, so was I, and you didn't see me running away to the dark side did you?!"
"Buffy I'm not trying to make excuses for her hurting you…I only want to help," Willow replied in a comforting voice.
"I know..it's just that..it's…"
"Hard," Tara replied, "You felt like a outcast, afraid to tell anyone, afraid that they wouldn't understand you."
Buffy looked over at Tara and simply nodded her head.
"I have no idea what it must have been like for you but I know sorta what you're talking about. I was afraid to tell anyone that I thought I was part demon, you guys were the best friends I had ever had," Tara wrapped her arms around Willow's waist before continuing, "and Willow is the first person that really understood and loved me. I was afraid that if I told anyone what my family had said you would desert me, but you didn't."
Tara let go of Willow and placed her hand on Buffy's right shoulder, "You're our friend Buffy, no matter what happens, no matter what you tell us, nothing's going to change that."
Willow moved over next to Tara and placed her hand on Buffy's other shoulder, "She's right you know Buffy, you've been there so many times for us, let us help you with this."
"Thanks guys," Buffy replied wiping tears from her eyes, "It really means a lot."
Neither one of the witches said a word they just continued to stand there comforting Buffy the best they knew how and giving her time to gather her thoughts.
The slayer took a deep breath and looked up at her two friends, "I don't know if I can do this."
"It's always going to be there, haunting you if you can't face it Buffy," Willow replied, "We here for you, you got to try."
"Okay," Buffy answered, taking several deep breaths, <Here goes everything,> "I loved her, I thought she loved me. At least that's what she told me. I mean I was scared, but it seemed not to matter. After everything that happened with Angel I was pretty sure that I couldn't love again but Faith changed that. We would hold hands on patrol, or kiss and it was like for a little while everything was right in the world."
Buffy took another deep breath and there was a hint of defeat in her voice when she continued to speak, "Then it happened…everything changed."
"The Deputy Mayor," Willow questioned.
"No, things started to change before that," Buffy signed, "I should have know something was wrong but I was afraid to face it, afraid that she didn't love me like she said she did. I would tell her I loved her and she wouldn't say anything. The Deputy Mayor thing only made it worse. I tried everything I could think of to help her, I held her, told her it was going to be okay but she was so distant, so cold. I should have done more, I should have tried harder."
"Buffy you can't blame yourself."
"Yes I can. Maybe I messed something up, maybe I missed something. I should have tried harder, I should have tried to be there more but I wasn't and she left me."
Tears started to roll down Buffy's cheeks, "It hurt when Angel left but I got over it. Faith helped me get over that and then she left, when she turned against me it hurt like nothings ever hurt before. I wanted to reach out to her but instead I tried to kill her."
"She didn't give you much of a choice."
"And what if she did, what if I missed it. I loved her, I was suppose to be there for her but I let her down so she turned evil and tried to kill us all."
Willow comfortingly hugged her best friend, "It wasn't your fault Buffy."
"I don't know that Wills! I just don't know that. I tried so hard to make it work with Faith but it didn't. When she came out of coma I was ready to give her a second chance, but she stole my body. Not only did she hit my Mom but Dawn was upstairs at the time."
Buffy lowered her head, "She tried to take everything from me and if Tara hadn't of figured it out she would have."
"She's not that person anymore Buffy, she's changed."
"She can't change, can't you see that. Everyone I have been with since Faith has been like a plant."
"A plant," Willow and Tara both asked at the same time.
"Yeah a plant, you can have a plant and it's nice but it's not like a puppy. You love a puppy, but a puppy can't hurt you."
"And a plant can't hurt you," Willow added, still trying to figure out the slayer's logic.
"Right Parker, he used me, and it hurt a little but I didn't love him. Riley he loved me but I didn't love him. He was a plant, nice to have around, but no love. I know it was wrong to do that to him but I'm so afraid to open myself again, what if I get hurt like Faith hurt me."
Desperation filled the slayer's face as she pleaded with the two witches, "She can't change, not now, I can't afford it, I can't face her. I loved her and all she did was hurt me."
"Buffy, you don't have to give her another chance, all you have to do is go see her."
"I can't Willow, I would like to but I can't."
"I don't know…It's so hard to say…it's…it's…"
"Do you still love her, Buffy," Tara asked.
"I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything anymore."
Tara squeezed Willow's hand and whispered to her girlfriend, "You're going to have to tell her."
"Tara are you nuts, you just heard what she said happened."
"I know, that's why you have to tell her. If we're still going to try and get her to go to LA we're going to have tell her everything."
"She's gonna freak out, I mean she loved Faith, If we tell her what we heard she might never go, and then she won't have any closures."
"And if she doesn't know and Faith happens to be talking to her picture when we get there. We owe it to Buffy to let her know, it wouldn't be fair to her if we didn't."
"I thought you said it wasn't good idea to tell her."
"That's before we knew that Buffy was in love with Faith."
Willow looked over at Buffy who was intently watching the two witches, "You might want to sit down, there's something you need to know."
Buffy saw Willow had put on her resolve face, <This isn't good,> she walked over to her chair and sat down and waited for her friend to speak, <How come I don't think I'm gonna like this.>
Willow sat down on the edge of the bed next to Tara, <Goddess please don't let her freak out too much,> "Buffy when we went and saw Faith she was talking to a picture, I wanted to say something but Angel had us stay quite, I know we shouldn't have eaves dropped but I'm glad we did."
<Faith was talking to a picture, Oh my God, she's changed alright, she's completely lost it.>
"Buffy about the picture…"
<God Willow please don't say what I think your going to say, please don't say it.>
Willow took a deep breath and squeezed Tara's hand, "It was kinda a picture of you."
<God Will's I didn't want you to say that, why'd you have to say that,> "M-m-m-my picture?"
Willow and Tara both could see the strange mixture of shock and confusion that was filling the slayer's face. "Buffy, I know this is hard, but there's more."
<More there can't be more, I can't handle more, God why the hell does there have to be more.>
<God why is this happening, I didn't want this to happen, why did I tell them all that, why am I listening,> "Yeah?"
"Are you OK," a very concerned Willow asked.
"Not really, I don't want this to happen, it can't be happening but it is. So I guess you should tell me what she said," <Why the hell did I just say that, I'm sure I don't want to know what she said.>
"Buffy, I..we..heard Faith talking to your picture. She said that she was sorry, that she wished that she could take it back, that she knew you couldn't forgive her," Willow comfortably took Buffy's hand, "She's really sorry Buffy, she wasn't lying when she said it, she didn't even know we were there."
<Shit, why'd she have to say that.>
"Buffy, are you going to be okay?"
<Damn this isn't fair, this isn't suppose to be happening.>
"Still here Wills, it's just that I wasn't ready for this. She's not suppose to change you know, it's not supposed to happen. Faith's suppose to stay bad, it's not suppose to happen," Buffy sobbed.
"But it did happen Buffy, she's changed."
Buffy looked up at Willow and Tara she glazed into both their eyes stopping dead on Willow's, "There's more isn't there?"
"Yeah…Buffy when she didn't know we were there I heard her say that she loved you."
<Fuck…Fuck. I didn't need to hear that, what the hell is happening hear,> Buffy got up from her chair and walked over to the window without saying a word, <God, why the hell is this happening.>
Tara stared at Willow, her eyes easily revealing the shock she was going through about what just had happened, "why'd you have to tell her that?"
"She had to know."
"She had to know that Faith was sorry, that she wished she could take it back, that she regretted hurting her. She didn't need to know that Faith still had feelings for her."
"Tara, Buffy has a right to know everything."
"But not all at once, maybe the love part could had been eased in later."
"Like when? When we are in LA before she sees Faith, it would only make her leave," Willow exclaimed.
Tara gave Willow a hug, "I know, but look at her, she looks…"
"Broken," Willow interrupted.
"Yeah, she does."
Willow and Tara joined Buffy over by the window. The slayer was staring out across the campus, not saying a word, <No…this isn't happening, it can't be happening.>
Buffy turned around and faced her two friends, "I can't deal with this."
"You can Buffy I know you can, plus we'll be there for you."
"I can't do it Wills, I can't afford to let her back into my life."
"You don't have to do that Buffy, all you have to do is go see her."
"If I see her, I'll be letting her back in. I just can't do it."
Willow reached out and placed her hand on Buffy's shoulder, "You have to do it."
"Why do I have to do it, can you tell me that," Buffy snapped.
"Because it's the only way you can move on. If you don't do this Buffy you're never going to be able to put any of this behind you," Tara answered.
"She's right Buffy, don't do it for Faith, or us, do it for yourself," Willow added.
Buffy slouched back against the windowsill, "I don't know if I can."
"We'll help you Buffy. Your not going to have to do this alone."
"Thanks Wills, but it's just that, well I'm afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
"That she'll get back in, that we'll get close. I never loved anyone as much as Faith and I don't want to get hurt again, I don't think I could take it."
"Buffy, me and Tara are your friends, right?"
"Do you trust us?"
"Of course I do. Why are even asking?"
"Because I need you to trust us. Come to LA with Tara and me, I promise we won't let you get hurt."
Buffy took Willow's hand, then Tara's, "Promise?"
"Cross my heart," Willow answered.
"Me too," Tara added.
Buffy thought about it for a moment, "OK, I'll go with you, but don't expect me to forgive her or anything."
Buffy stood next to Tara and Willow in the hospital corridor, she had been on edge ever since they left Sunnydale. When they got to LA, they had stopped by Angel's to see if anything had changed with Faith, which it hadn't. He had wanted to come with them to the hospital but Buffy had put her foot down, this was going to be hard enough without Angel standing over their shoulders.
Buffy looked at Tara and Willow, her eyes pleading for help, "I'm not going to be able to do this."
"Buffy, we're here for you," Willow reassured the slayer, "we'll help you get through this."
"It's too early, she's probably still asleep, maybe we could come back later?"
"It's ten in the morning, I'm pretty sure she's awake by now."
"Lunch, it's almost lunchtime, we could get something to eat then come back," Buffy replied, her voice starting to get desperate.
"We can have a late lunch," Tara replied, "You need to do this."
"Yeah, I know…Wait we should get her something, I think I saw a card shop on our way here."
Willow grabbed Buffy's hand, "You're stalling."
"Buffy I'm here, Tara's here…we've got you covered, we're not gonna let you get hurt."
"I don't know what to do."
"Just talk to her."
"I don't know if I can."
"Buffy you can do it, I know you can," Willow replied.
"And if I can't?"
"Then me and Tara will help you."
Buffy smiled at her two friends, "You guys are the greatest you know."
"Yeah, we know. Now lets go and get this over with," Willow answered.
Buffy nervously followed Willow and Tara into Faith's room, a nurse was putting restraints on the brunette and turned around and looked at them for a moment before going back to her task.
"You have some visitors Faith so I'll just finished this up and get out of here," the nurse replied as she finished putting the restrain around Faith's waist. The nurse then walked over to Buffy and the others; "She gets scared and gets out of bed without any one around. It's not safe for her to try and wonder around without help right now, just this morning orderly found her just before she could get the door to the stairwell open."
"The stairs," asked Willow, trying to keep her excitement over the idea of a Blind Faith trying to go down stairs to a minim.
"Yeah she had a nightmare, that someone was coming to get her, so she tried to get away," the nurse replied for a moment, "Don't worry nightmares are normal for someone whose been through something as traumatic as losing their sight. The only reason we restrained her is so she can't wonder off on her own, she could hurt herself. She's gonna be okay."
Faith had her fist nervously clenched around the restraining strap. She hated it when she didn't know who was in the room with her, it could be anyone. What if a vamp came, or the council, or just some nut. She could feel herself starting to break out into a cold sweat as the footsteps of her visitors grew closer. <Who's there, what do you want with me, Why the hell can't I fuckin' see you!>
Willow took a chair next to Faith's bed and motioned for Tara and Buffy to do the same, "Faith, it's me…Willow."
"Red, you came back," a rather relieved Faith replied.
"I said I would, didn't I?"
"Yeah, I didn't think you meant it though."
"I did," replied Willow, "And I didn't come alone."
"No, I didn't."
<Maybe she brought Buffy with her, no that's not possible there is no way B would come see me, not after everything I did.>
"Hi Faith," Tara replied, holding tightly onto Willow's hand.
"Tara, right," Faith responded, hoping she got Willow's girlfriend's name right.
<Yeah what was I thinking, of course B's not gonna come,> "I'm glad you guys could make it."
The room filled with a uneasy silence as Willow and Tara waited for Buffy to speak up, but the slayer just sat there staring at Faith lost in her own thought, <She looks so helpless, and she seems to be really glad that Willow and Tara came to see her. Get a grip on yourself Summers, you can't afford this, you can't let her back in, not after what she did, you just can't risk it again.>
Willow and Tara both turned to Buffy and looked at her, their expressions saying well go ahead and speak already.
<God what if they came here to let me know that they changed their minds and decide they can't forgive me. Can't say I blame them, I don't deserve it but it did feel good to hear Red say it.> Willow leaned over to Buffy and whispered, "Say something already."
<God, I don't know if I can do this,> "I don't know if I can," Buffy faintly replied.
"Buffy, you can do this, I know you can," Willow whispered in the slayer's ear.
<They're whispering, whispering is not a good thing. I think I heard Red mention B. Oh my God what if something happened to B. Something's happen to B and they came here to tell me. What was it, is she okay…why aren't they saying anything, what the hell is going on…Where's B, is she okay.>
Buffy could feel her heart beating a mile a minute, every second that ticked by seemed like an eternity as she sat there watching Faith, <She looks so helpless like this, the way she's lying there, her hair falling against the pillow…Damn Buffy don't do this, don't let this happen, not this time.>
Buffy took several deep breaths, <You can do this, all you have to do is say Hi, you can do this,> "Faith."
"B?" <God…Oh God, she came. She actually came.>
"Yeah, it's me."
<Oh my I can't breath, I got to breath…what do I say, I rehearsed this so many times but I don't know what to say.>
<God Buffy come say something intelligent for Christ sake.>
"B, I…I," <God why is this so fuckin' hard, it wasn't this hard to tell Red I was sorry, but this isn't red is it, it's B and that makes everything different,> "I'm…"
<Oh my what she gonna say, is she gonna say she's sorry, ask me to forgive her. Please don't say it, I'm not ready for this.>
"B, I don't know how to say this and I know you're probably not gonna believe me but I'm…sorry," Faith sobbed.
Buffy sat there in her chair staring at Faith, unable to speak, <Damn, why did she have to say that, why does she have to look like she means it. God I'm not ready for this, what the hell do I do now.>
Faith was openly crying as she continued to speak, "B I know you probably hate me but that's OK I deserve that. I-if I could take back…. everything I would. God B I never wanted to hurt you, I don't even know why I did everything I did, guess I was pretty screwed up in the head…I….I….I just want to let you know I'm sorry."
"Faith, I don't hate you," Buffy meekly replied.
"No, but I…"
"Can't forgive me," Faith replied lowering her head in defeat.
Willow and Tara found themselves sitting on the edge of her seat, staring at Buffy as the petite slayer thought about her answer.
<I can't do this not now, why the hell did she have to go change, why the hell is this happening,> "I'll forgive you, it's just I'm not ready for this, everything's so confusing…Faith I need time."
<Did she say she would eventually forgive me, maybe there's hope,> "Take all the time you need B," <lease just don't take too long, I don't know how long I can stand it knowing that your gonna forgive me one of these days.>
"Thanks," Buffy replied getting up out of her chairs and heading out of her room.
Willow gave Faith's hand a tight squeeze, "We'll talk to her."
"No," Faith replied, "please don't, I don't even deserve her coming here, not after what I did to her."
"Faith you've changed, I know that and so does Buffy."
"It's not that simple Red."
"I know, she told us everything."
"She did," Faith gasped, "and you still came?"
"Yeah we did. Look I know you made lots of bad mistakes and Buffy didn't deserve the way you treated her, but that's in the past."
Fresh tears began to roll down Faith's cheeks, "I don't understand, why are you doing this for me."
"I'm doing this for both of you, there is no way either one of you are going to be able to get on with your lives if you keep holding on to the past." "Thanks Red."
"Not a problem, I'll see you in a few weeks."
"You mean that," Faith exclaimed.
"Sure do, maybe I can talk some sense into Buffy and you guys can move on."
"Thanks," <but what if I don't want to move on, what if I want another chance with B. But that's just dreamin' isn't it, she's already given me too many chances, and I've blown them all.>
Seeing Faith had emotionally drained Buffy, she had expected to see the same Faith who had tried to kill her friends, betrayed her and used her, but she hadn't. Instead she saw a Faith sorry for what she had done, she was scared and asking for her forgiveness. She knew Faith had meant it when she had said she was sorry but Buffy hadn't been able to forgive her. <I wanted to forgive her, but I couldn't. More importantly why did I want to forgive her, why did I want to hug her and tell her everything's was going to be okay. God I think I'm losing it, I can't let her get to me, I can't let her back in, 'cause if I do I'll only get hurt again.>
Buffy got up and looked at her suitcase laying in the corner of the room, she walked over and went out into the lobby of Angel's office where Willow and Tara where waiting for her, <Why am I doing this, I should get my stuff and be heading back to Sunnydale, but I'm not. Instead I'm going back to the hospital with Willow and Tara again to see Faith. Why am I doing this, it's only gonna give her another chance to get to me, I can't let this happen but I'm going back, why?>
"Can't I just go back to my room, I don't like it out here," Faith pleaded as the nurse led her down the hallway.
"No. You need to get out of your room and get used to moving around some so we can start rehabilitation," the nurse replied.
"I don't see why. I was doing fine with you walking me around my room."
"Walking around your room's one thing, but walking with me in the hallways another. You have to trust me Faith it's a big step for you."
The nurse tightened her grip on Faith's hand trying to comfort the girl, "I'm right here, nothings going to happen."
"But it's late, I already had supper so it means it's getting dark," Faith answered her voice laced with panic.
"We're in a hospital, you're perfectly safe," the nurse reassured.
<That's what you think, you don't know about them. They could be anywhere, waiting for a chance to take out a slayer. You don't know what they're like…Fuck they're gonna find out, they're gonna find out and come and kill me. God I got to get the hell back to my room.>
Faith could hear voices all around her as her and the nurse moved through the hallway, off to her left someone was talking about going to Vegas next month, she could her something about making sure the charts where updated to her right, <Fuck any of them could be vamps, what the hell am I gonna do when they come. Yeah right, I gonna fuckin' die because I can't see them coming, God why'd she have to drag me out of my room…. Damn I wish B was here, it wouldn't be so bad if B was here, and she could take care of the vamps when they come. What the hell am I thinkin'? Why would B want to protect me?>
"Hey Nancy did you need to check this out," a male voice yelled out as Faith and the nurse neared the nurses station.
Nancy stopped, "Just a sec," she led Faith over to the edge of the hall, "I've got to check on something."
<What? You can't fuckin' leave me here.>
"I'll be back in just a sec."
<Please don't leave me, not out here.>
"Everything will be okay, just stay right here."
<Fuck this can't be happening.> Faith could hear the nurse walking away, leaving her alone, <Why the hell is this happening she's not suppose to leave me like this….God what the hell am I suppose to do now?>
Faith leaned back against the wall, her body trembling. All around her she could hear people speaking, but who were they, what did they want. She tightly hugged herself, <Your not suppose to leave me, get the fuck back over here, I want to go back to my room.>
It seemed like time was almost standing still as Faith waited for the nurse to return. She began rocking back and forth on her feet, her fear mounting as each second ticked by, then she felt it, something she hadn't felt since she had went to prison, <Fuck no…They're here.>
She quickly reached back with her hand and found the wall, <I got to get out of here….God, I wish B was here, don't want to go out like this, Fuck!>
She began fumbling along the wall, searching for a door so she could hide but instead she came across a open space, <Great another damn hallway, what am I gonna do now…. Damn it's getting closer, I can feel it.> Faith reached around the corner and almost lost her balance as she headed down the hallway, feeling the wall as she went.
Buffy stopped dead in her tracks when they reached Faith's ward, her eyes quickly scanned the area as all her slayer senses kicked into over drive.
"Buffy are you okay," Willow asked, afraid the blonde slayer had lost her nerve and wanted to leave.
"Wills, you and Tara stay here."
"Buffy, what's wrong?!"
Instead of answering Willow the slayer pulled a stake out of her jacket and took off down the hallway in a full sprint. Willow and Tara looked on in horror as they saw Buffy running towards Faith who had a vampire walking up behind her looking as if it had just won the lottery.
Faith felt a hand grab her from behind and spin her around, "What do we have her," the vamp hissed.
She felt his other hand grip her firmly by the collar, "I always wondered what slayer blood tasted like, guess I'm about to find out."
Tears streamed down Faith's face as it was overtaken by a expression of sheer terror, <God, I don't want to go like this…Why the Fuck did they have to leave me alone.>
Faith braced her self for her final moment on earth but it never came. Instead of set of sharp fangs piercing her neck, she found her self being pulled into a hug. Her body was still shaking as she openly cried in her savors arms.
"It's okay Faith, I got ya."
"Yeah," Buffy softly replied as a wide gambete of emotions raced through her mind.
"They left me B, they took me out of my room and left me out here," Faith cried.
"It's okay now."
"They left me, I was here alone, then the vamp, I couldn't see him B… I couldn't see him and I was gonna die."
"But you didn't," Buffy replied, "I staked him, he can't hurt you now."
"What about the next one," Faith cried, "What if they leave me alone again and another one comes?"
"I'm not gonna let that happen," Buffy replied in full slayer mode.
"You can't stop them all B."
"We'll see about that," Buffy answered. The slayer turned to Willow and Tara who had had ran up behind her and Faith, "Let's go find some nurses."
Willow nervously looked at the slayer, "Buffy, what are you going to do?"
"I'm gonna find out what kind of place this is."
Buffy marched down the hall supporting Faith as the brunette slayer leaned up against her. Her mind was flooded with emotions. She was feeling her old feelings for Faith coming back as her logic screamed at her not to let Faith get close again. There was also a deep desire to protect Faith along with her friends, fear of where all this might lead, and a faint hint of happiness as Faith leaned up against her. But none of that mattered. All these emotions were being over ridden by rage. <How the hell could they leave her out in a hall by herself?>
Nancy and the other nurses where franticly looking for Faith when they spotted her being lead towards the nurses' station by a petite blonde. The nurses started to rush over to see if Faith was okay but stopped dead in their tracks when they saw the blondes eyes. They seemed to cut right through them like a two edged sword. The nurses took a few steps back as the blonde and Faith got closer to them, none of them could place it but their minds where screaming that there was definitely something to be feared about the blonde.
Buffy stared at the nurses for a moment before bitterly speaking to them, "What kind of place is this?"
Nancy took a gulp of air as the blonde's words sliced through her, "Uh…"
"Uh what," Buffy snapped, "You left her alone by herself in the hall, do you know how dangerous that is?!"
"I didn't think…"
"It's obvious you didn't think. Whose in charge here," Buffy demanded.
Buffy led Faith back to her room and helped her into bed, "I've got to go now, but I'll be back in a couple of days."
"What if they leave me alone again?"
"I don't think that's gonna happen," Willow answered.
"Yeah I think Buffy kinda scared them," Tara added.
Buffy waited untill the three of them got out of the hospital before saying anything else. She stopped and turned and faced her friends, "We've got to get her out of this place."
"So you had a change of heart," Willow inquired.
"I don't know," Buffy honestly answered, "All I know is I don't think I could live with myself if I don't help Faith." <Please don't ask me anymore about this, I'm not even sure what's going on or why I'm doing this.>
Willow and Tara both looked at Buffy and figured that it was best for now not to press her about what she was thinking.
"So what do we do now," Willow asked.
"We go back to Angel's and talk with him. I'm gonna need him to take care of some things for me. Then we go back home, I need to talk with my mom and Giles."
"Buffy, what are you planning?"
"I'll tell you when we get to Angel's."
Buffy stormed into Angel's office, "We need to talk. Now!"
Angel looked up at Buffy from behind his desk, the blonde slayers eyes where filled with determination, "Buffy is everything okay?"
"No it's not, you need to get Faith out of the hospital and quick."
"Buffy she need rehabilitation, you just can't yank her out of there."
"No she needs to get out of that place before she becomes vamp food, and you're gonna make it happen."
"Buffy what are you talking about," a very confused Angel asked.
"They left her alone in the hall, and a vamp almost got her. That's what I'm talking about. Now call whoever it is you have to call and get her out of that place."
"Buffy I could get Wesley and Gunn to stay at the hospital to watch her."
"NO you're going to get her out of the hospital and you're going to make it happen this week."
"Buffy it's not that easy, she just lost her sight. Faith's gonna need special therapy and medical care for a while."
"And she'll get it, just not in LA," Buffy replied never taking her eyes off of Angel.
Angel studied Buffy's eyes for a moment; she was more determined than he had ever seen her. He leaned back in his chair, and thought about what Buffy had just said for a moment, if Buffy had made up her mind on something it was going to take an act of the Gods to get her to change it. "Exactly where is she going to get rehabilitated then?"
"In Sunnydale, at the campus. They have a training school for the blind there."
"She's right," Willow exclaimed, "Me and Tara do volunteer work there."
"And you got her into their program," Angel inquired.
"No Willow's gonna do that."
"Yeah you are," Buffy replied.
"Buffy, I'm not sure if I can do that, they have a pretty long list to get in, plus I'm only a volunteer."
"Wills, what do you do for them?"
"Well we talk to the patients, walk with them, that kind of stuff."
"Willow, I know that you told me about it a half dozen times, I'm talking about the other stuff."
Willow and Tara's eyes widened, "Buffy I can't manipulate their computer to get Faith into the program."
Buffy walked over to Willow and put her hands on the redhead's shoulders, "Listen you got to do it, you saw what happened tonight, I can't protect her like this."
"Then let Angel do it," Willow replied.
"Buffy, she's right. I can make sure no vamps get close to her," Angel added.
"That's not expectable," Buffy snapped back.
"And why not?"
"It's just not," Buffy answered her voice full of frustration, "Look I told you what I need to happen, now please get it done."
"Buffy, look at me," Willow softly replied, "even if I get her into the program and Angel gets her released from the hospital it's still not going to work."
"Yes it will," Buffy demand.
Tara placed her hands on Willow's shoulder, "Buffy, Willow's right. The training school for the blind is kinda like a day care program, they don't have any facilities for her to live there."
"Hmmmm…she could stay with Giles," Buffy answered.
"You've talked him about this already?"
"Buffy I don't want to be the downer here, but he could say no."
"He won't," Buffy confidently replied.
"And if he does," Willow replied trying to make Buffy understand exactly what it is she was asking of everyone.
"Then she can stay with my Mom and Dawn."
"Are you sure they would take her in."
"If they don't I'll get a cot to sleep on and put her up in my room," Buffy answered.
The blonde slayer looked around the room and saw all her friends were looking at her rather puzzled, "You all said you forgave her, if that's the case then do this for her." She walked up to Willow and Tara and looked them both in the eyes, her voice was filled with desperation, "Do this for me."
"Okay," Willow answered, "but I gotta know why you're doing this."
"Why is not important."
"Buffy after what you told me about your and Faith's past I think it's very important."
"No it's not, can we leave now there's a lot to get done."
Willow looked over at Tara as Buffy headed for the door, "Great she wants us to jump through hoops and isn't going to tell us why."
Buffy sat in her dorm room staring at the wall, it had took a little convincing to get Giles to agree to let Faith stay at his place but she had done it, now all she needed to do is talk to her Mom and Dawn. <God I hope they don't ask me why I am doing this, hell I'm not even sure. I know I have to protect her, it's part of my duty, but there is more….God why does there have to be more. You'd think after all this time I would have gotten over her but no, we can't have that can we. Fuck why do I still care about her, I don't want to get hurt again. Maybe I shouldn't do this; maybe I should let Angel handle things.>
Buffy got up off the edge of her bed and grabbed her jacket, <No I can't do that, I have to do this. Faith's my responsibility, I just can't allow myself to get close again, but what if it happens, what if I fall for her again. Yeah right…fall for her again, hell I'm kidding myself, I never got over her in the first place….God why do I have to do this to myself.>
"Mom I needed to talk to you and Dawn," Buffy nervously spoke, taking a seat in the living room.
"About what honey?"
"Faith," <Hear it goes Buffy just hope she doesn't bring up our past, why'd I have to tell her about me and Faith in the first place.>
"Oh," Joyce answered, waiting for the other shoe to drop, "Did everything go okay in LA."
"There was a vamp at the hospital, I had to stake him before he could take her out."
"I see, she's okay now I take it."
"Yeah, but she's not safe there. That's what I wanted to talk to you guys about."
Buffy took a big gulp of air, "I know she hurt everyone, but she's different now. She's not the same Faith we used to know."
Joyce's voice was filled with motherly concern, "Did you forgive her, is that what your trying to say?"
"No," <God why can't I say I forgave her…. I have I just can't bring myself to yell her,> "That's not it. I have to protect her and I can't do it with her in LA."
"You're bringing her to here?"
"No she's gong to be staying at Giles for awhile."
Joyce recalled all that Faith had done to them and how bad it had hurt Buffy the last time she had rolled into town, "Are you sure about this Honey?"
"No, I'm not."
Joyce saw the hurt that was filing her daughter's eyes, "Dawn could you go upstairs for awhile, I need to talk to your sister."
"But Mom I want to hear what's going on," Dawn whined.
"Okay," Dawn replied kicking her foot against the couch as she got up.
After Dawn had left Joyce got up and went and sat next to Buffy.
"If you're not sure why are you doing this?"
"I have to do it."
"I don't know, I just have to do it."
Joyce placed her hand on Buffy's shoulder, "Do you…still love her?"
<God why'd she have to ask that,> "I don't know," Buffy cried.
Joyce pulled her daughter into a hug, "Buffy you have to do whatever you feel like you have to do, just be careful, I don't want to see you get hurt like last time."
Joyce sat a cup of tea down on the coffee table for Giles and took a seat across from him, "You said that you needed to talk to me about Buffy?"
"Quite right," Giles replied, "You see I think she might be making a mistake."
"Yes, I don't know if it's a good idea for Buffy to do all of this, Faith might be better off in LA."
Joyce gave the watcher a puzzled look, "I thought you were all for this, after all you are letting her stay at your place."
"I didn't have a choice in the matter."
"Of course you did, it's not like Buffy twisted your arm and made you promise that Faith could stay there," Joyce paused for a moment, "She didn't do that…right?"
"No, nothing like that. It's just that well she is rather head strong and I couldn't get her to listen. If I hadn't said I would take Faith in Buffy would have probably had her staying in her dorm room on campus."
"So you said that Faith could stay with you."
"I couldn't have her staying in Buffy's dorm room, she has no idea how to keep care of someone with a handicap like that."
"And you do?"
"My little brother is blind, I helped my Mom raise him after our Father died."
"I didn't know, I am sorry to hear that."
"It's quite all right, he turned out rather well, he's a professor at Oxford now, but that's beside the point, Buffy doesn't know what she is getting in to, it's a lot of work and their past history doesn't make it any better, maybe you could talk to her."
"And what makes you think she would listen to me?"
"You're her mother."
"Right, you do realize we are talking about Buffy here. If she has made up her mind there is no way any of us are going to talk her out of it, besides I have already talked to her about it."
"And did she listen?"
"I listened," Joyce placed her cup of tea down on the coffee table, "You know she has a good idea here, it could work."
"I know it's just that I am worried about her motives."
"So am I, but it's something she has to do. All we can do is be there for her and help her through this."
"But all this is so sudden, a few days ago I thought she was going to stake Angel in my living room for asking her to go to LA and see Faith and now she's making everyone jump through hoops to get Faith to Sunnydale. I know she's the slayer and she feels like she needs to protect Faith, I just don't understand why she has had this change of heart."
"Have you talked to her about it?"
"She just said that it was something she had to do, I could tell there was more but didn't want to force the issue."
"Maybe you should talk to her again when she gets back from LA, tell her what you just told me."
"Do you think it would do any good?"
"I think it might do you both a lot of good."
Faith sat in her bed clinging onto the suitcase Angel had given her. She was glad to be getting out of the hospital, but she was also scared to be leaving it. Sure Angel would be there to help her but this was a big step. In prison she had always know what she was suppose to do and after her injury and begin released she had the hospital, where they brought her food, kept care of her, and gave her a routine. <God what am I thinking, why am I gonna miss this place, I should be glad to get out of it. Fuck I remember when I flew by the seat of my pants, I didn't need anyone to help me, but I could see then. Damn why'd this have to happen.>
"Angel, I guess I am ready, we can go now."
"No, we can't. Your rides not here yet."
"I thought I was going back with you," a very confused Faith asked.
"No, I'm only here to see you off."
<Here to see me off, what the hell is happening, where are they taking me. God I don't like this, I want to get the hell out of here. What if they lock me up in a home or something, I don't want that. Thought I wanted routine but now I don't. I'm so confused, I don't know what to think any more. Fuck why is Angel doing this to me, where's Buffy, I need her to stop this, they can't lock me up again, fuck what the hell is going on.>
Faith pulled her suitcase tightly against her, "I-I'm not going with you? Where exactly am I going," she replied in a near panic.
"Sunnydale," Angel answered.
"Maybe you should ask Buffy when she gets here."
"Buffy? Buffy's coming to get me, to take me back to Sunnydale," <I can't believe this is happening, Buffy's coming for me. I wouldn't have think it possible but Angel said she was coming. God why is she doing this, wait maybe it's a dream, don't think about it or it might go away.>
"Faith you're crying. Are you okay," Angel asked as he went to wipe the tears of the brunette slayers cheek.
"What did you do," Buffy demanded as she walked into Faith's room with Willow and Tara right behind her.
Startled, Angel spun around to face Buffy, "I didn't do anything."
"Then why is she crying," Buffy inquired, her eyes locked on Angel and Faith.
<Oh My God she's here, Buffy here and she's gonna take me away from here…Breath, I gotta breath.>
Buffy walked over to Faith's bed and carefully put her hand on Faith's shoulder causing the brunette to flinch, "Faith, you okay?" <God, why am I doing this, why am I letting her back in. What if I get hurt again. Damn I'm gonna do it I'm gonna let her back in, damn why am I doing this to myself, I can't afford to get hurt like that again.>
<She wants to know if I am okay…damn Faith breath already, it's only Buffy. Yeah right and if it was anyone else I wouldn't be having this problem.>
Concern filled Buffy's face when Faith didn't answer, she sat down next to the brunette and Faith over next to her, "Are you okay," <I'm holding her, why am I holding her, I'm not suppose to let her back in but I want to, so I'm holding on to her. God I was only suppose to be doing this to protect her but I'm lying to myself, I'm doing it for me, for us…damn, I'm screwed.>
<Breath, you got to breath,> "I'm okay, I-I'm just glad to be getting out of here, <There that wasn't so hard.>
Buffy reluctantly let go of Faith and stood up. She took the brunette's suitcase from her, "Good, let's go home."
Faith felt Buffy take her hand and help her up, <Home…she said let's go home.>
Buffy led Faith over to a wheel chair and helped her into it.
"B, I don't need this, I can walk if you'd help me."
"It's some dumb hospital rule, they said you have to be taken out this way," Buffy replied as she handed Faith's suitcase to Willow.
"Okay," <I'm going home with Buffy, I don't know why but I am, maybe there is still hope for us.>
...continued in Blind Faith: The Healing...