by Ashlyn
Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: Everything is owned by Joss Whedon.
Spoilers: Not any that I can think of except the final battle with the first.
Author's Notes: For the sake of this fic we'll say Robin and Faith never got together, and after the Fight Faith went to work for Angel at the new W&H. It's also mostly in Buffy's or Faith's POV. ** indicates dream sequence.
Feedback: Please!!!!!! This is my first Buffy/Faith fic.


**"I love you" I still felt the heat from his hand I didn't want to let him go, but I knew I had to.

"No you don't……but thanks anyway" I could only smile at him as I let go of his hand and left. I felt a deep regret at not staying there with him being noble and dying like I was supposed to but then I felt on overwhelming need and pleasure, and I gasped, suddenly on my bed in my old room I couldn't open my eyes they felt heavy and my arms were sticky from sweat, and an incredible sensation was filling me, I lifted my arms my hand running through thick hair, I opened my eyes to see that it was a dark brown, the smell of sex hung in the air but I didn't seem to care, I moaned arching my back feeling Faith's skillful fingers moving inside me forcing me to unmentionable heights, her soft lips touching my already wet core causing me to jump off the bed, I felt her tongue dash out and lick across my sensitive clit, and I moaned in pleasure as I came, I felt her climb up my body and kiss me it was odd tasting myself on someone else's lips, I opened my eyes looking into her beautiful brown ones.

"I love you Buffy" I looked at her and after a few minutes I repeated it.

"I love you too Faith" those words echoing in the small room.**

I jumped up my breaths short as I remembered my dream, I looked around my dark room the sheets clanging to my naked body still glistening with sweat, I looked over to my side seeing a brunette, I almost believed it was Faith laying in my bed exhausted from our love making the night before, but then I remembered the night before, it always happened like that I would need relief so I'd get drunk and head to a bar in the other town for lesbians, and bisexuals, and I would refuse everyone until I found one that looked like her, the same hair, the same smell, the same body, I wasn't successful every time but when I was it was almost perfect all I had to do was pretend it was Faith and I felt alive, but every time in the morning when I realized it wasn't Faith I felt utterly miserable, and disgusted with myself. It was hard knowing I was lesbian, but then being too chicken to actually go after Faith and resort myself to cheap sex. I frowned throwing the sheets off me and getting out of bed I knew I had woken up the other girl……I couldn't remember her name but I didn't care she'd be gone soon anyway. I sighed feeling an incredible loneliness overcome me, Willow had Kennedy, Xander even found a nice girl to settle down with, Dawn was in college and dating Andrew that had taken a lot to get used to, most of the SITs had moved on, some went to England others stayed and helped with the training, but it was mostly me alone as usual. I sigh again and start putting on my clothes, I felt someone's arms wrap around my waist and frowned in disgust and pushed her away from me I hated this part they always looked sad when I made them leave, I moved away from her and walked out of my bedroom and down the short hall to my kitchen it wasn't much, a one bedroom apartment, but it fit my needs. I started making some coffee and turned around to find her standing there starring at me her arms crossed over her chest her body still naked and I could tell I was blushing a little.

"You know, it hurts to be thrown off like that" I heard her say but I just continued to stare at her, what gave her the right to come in here and inquire that something should go on?

"Yeah well get over it I never said I wanted a relationship."

"It's not the relationship part I'm pissed about" I looked at her oddly and she just raised her eyebrow "yeah it's the being used part" all I could do was look down ashamed of myself "let me guess, she doesn't felt the same? So you have to get your jollies off someone who looks like her?" there was to much truth in her voice to ignore it, and I felt even more ashamed, I whimpered a little and sat down letting it all out "oh honey I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry, I'm just……."

"Her names Faith" I said I didn't know why it seemed so easy now to talk about it, especially with a complete stranger, when I couldn't even talk about it with Willow "this isn't the first time I've done this, I just woke up one morning and I loved her so much it was killing me, but it was too late she was already gone, and I tried calling her but every time I hang up before anybody answers, and I'm just fucking chicken shit when it comes to her" for the first time since figuring out she was in love with Faith she felt angry with her self. Angry that she hadn't wasted the last year hiding from Faith, that she used helpless woman just because she could tell the one person in her life she loved the most, that she needed her, she frowned her grip on the cup tightening.

"Maybe you should try call her or something, any girl would be proud to have you" she said I looked at her her smile calming me slightly and I nodded, she stood up "I'm going to get dressed then I'll go, you hang in there" she says and I smile.


...to be continued...