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by April
Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: I wish I owned them but I don't.
Author's Note: This is my first fic so take it easy on me. Hopefully everyone will enjoy it. Feedback would be great.



1 year ago…

"I can't believe she is doing this, she really left." Faith says to herself in disbelief. Sitting on her hotel room bed looking down at her letter. Wondering what she did wrong this time. "I always screw everything up, what do you expect from a fuckup like me." Looking back down at her letter. "How can she say it wasn't me, it is always me." Faith starts to read the letter one more time hoping this time it will be different.


I can't believe I am doing this, especially in a letter, but I could never tell you to your face. I am tired of hiding everything from my friends and family. I can't keep doing this. Every time I leave your room I feel guilty for what we have been doing. I can't tell my Mom about us. It would destroy everything. My friends would look at me differently. I know what you are saying, "fuck what people think, it doesn't matter as long as we are happy." That is the thing, I'm not happy. It isn't normal for me to be feeling this way. I am the good one. I should be with a man and have kids and a family of my own. I know that is far fetch since the line of work we are in but that is what I want. For this reason that is why I am asking you to please leave Sunnydale. I can't have you around me anymore. I can't see you or hear your voice without losing control. I need to be in control. That is why I am leaving you. I have met a nice guy. His name is Riley and he offers me stability and comfort. So please Faith, do as I ask and leave Sunnydale and me behind you.


Faith drops the letter on the dirty floor and curls up on her bed with her bottle of Jack Daniels. "If this is what she wants then fuck her, I leave alright. She will never hear from me again." With that Faith drags her drunk self off the bed and packs her bags. Heads off to the bus station and catches the first bus to L.A.



Faith pulls herself out of a drunken slumber and feels a body next to her. Looks to her left to see a petite blonde next to her. For a brief second she thinks the past year has been one big nightmare until the blonde rolls over and it isn't her. Just another faceless blonde trying to replace the real deal.

The dark slayer crawls out of bed and wakes up the blonde.

"Come on get up, you got to go." Faith demands in a very cold voice.

The blonde stirs and looks up to Faith is a bewildered look.

"I'm tired, can't I just sleep a little more, and then we can go another round." The blonde replies with a little smile.

"NO, GET THE FUCK UP AND OUT NOW!!!!" Faith screams at the blonde.

"Fine, I'm going, but what ever happen to the woman I met last night? What ever girl has you this fucked up, she isn't worth it."

With that Faith gets even more pissed off and grabs the blonde and her clothes and throws her out of the room.

"Dumb bitch doesn't know what she is talking about. B is plenty worth it, she is worth everything."

Faith goes to her night stand and pulls out the picture of her true love. The only woman she has ever loved and will ever love. A picture of Buffy, her B, she sits there staring at the picture and just cries until the day falls into night.


Buffy hangs up the phone from Angel, trying to find out any kind of status on Faith. He just says she is fine and I shouldn't worry about her. She's a big girl he says, she can take care of herself. Sitting on the bed Buffy just thinks that something isn't right with Faith and worries anyway. Buffy starts to cry when Riley enters the bedroom. He sees she is crying but doesn't know why.

"What's wrong Buffy?" The soldier boy asks.

"What? Oh nothing I just got done watching a sappy movie and it got to me." Buffy lies but she can't tell him the truth. That she is crying because the one she loves isn't with her. Faith is somewhere out there and she doesn't know where. Buffy didn't think it would be this hard. She didn't think she would miss her this much for this long.

"I'm going to go get me a glass of wine, do you want anything." Buffy asks Riley.

"Just you, but if I can't have that right now; I'll take a glass of milk." Riley says with a smile.


As Buffy is walking down the hall all she can think about is how much of a good man Riley is. He is the perfect man, just not for her. "But this is what I wanted, Mr. Perfect with the perfect life. That's why she left because I told her to. So why am I regretting ever writing that stupid letter. Faith is spontaneous, wreckless, and uncontrollable, why would I want something like that. She is nothing like Riley; we know what we do day to day. We have a routine, Monday thru Friday he is off at work and at night we go patrolling together, then Saturday we have dinner with Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya, then Sunday it's church. Yup that's my Riley old reliable." Buffy thinks to herself.

As Buffy is sitting there sipping on her wine she thinks to herself what life could have been like with Faith.

"Would it have been so bad? Come on look at Willow look how happy and accepted she is. I haven't felt as alive since she went away. I never thought she would really leave in a way. I thought she would be stubborn and stick around just to piss me off. But no she left me all along and dead inside." Buffy walks over to the sink and picks up Riley's milk and heads back up stairs to her reliable life.

As Buffy walks back into the bedroom and hands Riley his milk, she thinks about her picture of Faith in her guest room. She takes Riley's empty glass and tells him she is going to put it downstairs. Instead Buffy heads to the guest room and takes out Faith's picture and holds it to her chest. Crying to herself for ever letting her one true love get away. For letting what other people would think control her feelings. She didn't know what tomorrow was going to bring. Riley and she were off to L.A. for a military convention. She prayed she could get a chance to see Faith, but what would she do if she did?


Buffy and Riley ride up to the Hotel and start to unload their luggage. While Riley goes in to check them in, Buffy stays outside and gives Angel a call.

"Angel, hey it's me Buffy."

"Hey Buffy, how are you?"

"Good, just got to L.A., and I was wondering if you could meet me somewhere tonight while Riley is out with the rest of the commando guys?"

"Yeah; sure but why?"

"I will talk to you later about that when I see you. I just can't talk right now. But can you meet me around 10pm at Pure night club?"

"Yeah but why there?"

"I thought it would be nice to dance a little after we talk." Buffy was lying but she couldn't tell Angel the real reason why she wanted to go there. Buffy knew there would be a good chance that Faith might be there considering it was the hottest lesbian bar in L.A. But in case she wasn't maybe Angel would know where she was.

"Ok, I will meet you there around 10 tonight. See you then."

"Thanks, Angel bye."

Buffy puts away her cell phone and just stands there smiling thinking that she might get to see Faith tonight. She is in her own little world until Riley comes back for her. They walk into the Hotel and go to their room. The day goes by pretty quiet and uneventful as usual with Riley. Riley gets ready to meet up with the commando guys and tells Buffy he will be back later and they will patrol. He gives her a quick kiss and walks out the door. Buffy hops off the bed and rushes into the shower. After taking extremely long to get ready she leaves Riley a note telling him she went out to meet up with Angel and Cordy.


The music is pumping and there is a line to get into Pure a mile long. Only certain select people can get into the club. Buffy knows she will have no problem with what she is wearing. Buffy struts up to the door with her tight black leather pants and fuck me heels. Her breasts are over spilled in the white tight backless shirt. As she get to the door the bouncer who is blown away by her, lets Buffy in right away. As Buffy walks into the club she can feel the music go through her. She walks up to the bar where she sees Angel staring at her.

"Hey Angel."

"Buffy, you look…I can't find a word what you look like."

"Hot I think would be the word you are looking for." Comes a voice from behind Angel.

"Hey Cordy, how are you."

"Good, as long as I can get Angel's eyes to stop staring at you and look at me."

"What, I'm not staring, just looking around and Buffy just happens to be in front of my eyes."

"Yeah, and I'm just a quiet little girl with no opinion."

"Ok, ok you guys, stop with the bashing and order me a drink."

"A drink, when did you start to drink" Angel asks.

"Just some red wine that's all. Nothing to a little wine."

"Ok, excuse me miss, can we get a red wine, a cosmopolitan, and a water. Thanks." As Angel is ordering the drinks, Buffy starts to look around and see if her true love is here yet.

"So Buffy what did you want to see me for?" Deadboy asks.

"Well it's kind of a long story, but I need to see Faith."

"Buffy you know you can't see her. You did too much damage as it is and now you want to screw with her head even more. She isn't in a very good state right now and I don't think seeing you would be for the best."

"Angel, I know I did a lot of damage but I can't help it. She is all I think about and I just need to see her and at least apologize to her for just leaving her like I did."

"It doesn't matter I am not telling you where she is and I don't want you to go looking for her either. She needs time to heal. She is far from that and only seeing you will put her further in the darkness than she already is."

"Darkness, what do you mean darkness."

"Buffy, Faith has not been doing too good since you left her. She doesn't come around anymore but I keep a tab on her just to make sure she is still breathing. I don't know how much longer she will be so lost but I do know that she is dealing with things the only way Faith knows how to."

"I just need…"

Angel cuts her off "you don't need anything from her; she will be fine without you messing with her even more. Now I am going to leave since you really don't need anything from me and I got to do some patrolling." With that Angel stands up, grabs Cordy and storms off out the door.

Buffy can't believe what just happen, Angel wouldn't tell me anything. He wouldn't even give me a chance to make it up to her. Buffy grabs her wine and downs it in one gulp. She is at a loss and don't even know if she should look for Faith. "What would I even do if I do saw her? Could I do anything? Could I ever make it up to her? Could I…" Buffy stops mid-thought when she sees her life stop right in front of her. It's Faith, dancing with a whole bunch of woman all around her. Buffy is frozen in her fuck me heels. She is scared stiff and don't know what to do. She has been waiting for this moment and now she can't even move. The music starts to slow down and Faith starts to dance by herself on the dance floor with her eyes closed. "This is my chance, it's now or never." Buffy thinks to herself and starts to move toward Faith.


Buffy walks slowly behind Faith. Buffy is taken back a little by the beauty of this woman. Just like she has almost forgotten how beautiful she was. Faith was dancing slowly with her eyes closed and head back. Buffy walks up and slowly puts her hands on Faith's hips and starts to sway with her. "She still smells the same, just like my Faith." Buffy is thinking to herself. Buffy inches a little closer to her and wraps her arms around the beautiful brunette. Faith suddenly stops for a brief second and continues again dancing to the music and lets the person behind her follow her lead.

"God why does this person smell just like Buffy. It can't be her, there is no way. She is back in SunnyD with beefstick. Fuck she smells just like her. Just another chick with the same perfume. Oh well at least I can pretend it's her." Faith thinks to herself as she starts to imaging that it is Buffy dancing behind her.

Buffy has her arms completely around Faith now and is swaying to the music with her. Letting their bodies touch like they have never been apart. She can feel her heart in her chest and she thinks she is going to have a heart attack. Faith slowly turns around keeping her eyes closed. Faith doesn't want this to be ruined when she opens her eyes and sees that it isn't her true love. As Faith turns around Buffy gets a little nervous that Faith will see it is her. Buffy is relieved to see Faith's eyes still shut. They continue to sway to the music as their legs slip between each others thighs. Holding each other tighter so their bodies will get as much contact as they possible can; with clothes on. Faith feels the woman's breast up against hers and each others thigh rubbing against their clothed center. Neither of them could believe how good this was feeling. Buffy started to get lost in the feeling as the song played on. She started to nuzzle into Faith's neck and it all came back to her. The passion that only she could feel with Faith all came back to her. Buffy took her head away from Faith's neck and stared at the beautiful brunette. Buffy couldn't stop concentrating on her beautiful plump red lips. Buffy could feel herself getting drawn to them but couldn't do anything to stop it. Buffy leaned in further until she felt the softness that was Faith's lips.

Faith didn't know what to do, "this person lips are just like B's. How could that be?" Faith thought. Faith just went with the kiss thinking it was just a coincident. She started to bring her tongue out and tease the woman's bottom lip, begging for entrance. She was excited when the woman parted her lips to let Faith's tongue in. At first it was slow but neither woman would be satisfied with that. They started to dual for dominance. As their tongue dueled with each other; they started to ride each others thigh with a little more speed and pressure. Both women could feel their climax approaching, but neither wanted to break the kiss either. Their hands started to rub up and down each others back and ass, trying to get a little more friction built up. They were riding each other like it would be the last time they could ever have this feeling. Buffy knew it very well could be the last time so she never wanted it to end. But she could control her body any longer and neither could Faith. As the song was coming to an end so were Buffy and Faith. As the last part of the song was playing both woman had an extreme orgasm while moaning in each others mouth.

The song was now over and they were standing in the middle of the dance floor just holding each other, trying to recover from the climax. Just as Faith was about to open her eyes, she heard a familiar voice. One she thought she would never hear again in her life.

"That was incredible" Buffy said without even knowing she said it.

Faith shot open her eyes. She couldn't believe it, there she was, and right in front of her and all she could do was stare at her.

"Faith?" Buffy asks with a lot of worry in her voice.

Faith couldn't say a word. Tears started to form in her eyes and she wouldn't let Buffy see her cry. So Faith did the only thing she knew to do. She ran!!


Buffy was left standing there in the middle of the dance floor with no idea what to do. She couldn't believe after what just happen; Faith just ran away. Buffy couldn't let her run away again. She needed to talk to her and she would search all night if she had to. Buffy took off out the door and went to search for Faith.

Faith couldn't stop running; she didn't know where she was going she just couldn't stop. She came to a halt when she realized where she was; in the middle of a grave yard with some nasty looking vamps approaching her. "What a way to get some frustration out" Faith said to herself. There were seven vamps but she didn't care. How she was feeling she didn't care if she died or not she just needed to hurt something.

"Look what we got here boys" the lead vamp said.

"What it looks like to me boys is some dumb ass vamps that don't know when to run" Faith replied coldly.

With that two of the vamps come lunging at Faith with their game faces on. The first on got dusted almost immediately. The second one roundhouse kicked Faith in the face and she wasn't phase by it at all. She started her own little assault on the second vamp. Throwing punches and kicks to his face. When she was about to stake the second vamp the rest of the crew tackled Faith to the ground. They started to kick Faith in the stomach and head. Faith thought this was it, figured it would be considering the night she was having. She thought it wouldn't get any worse until the vamps went flying off her. Faith rolled over to her side and tried to get up. She was in a lot of pain but she didn't want to stay down. As she got up she was surprised to see five soldier boys dusty the remaining vamps. That was until she saw him, Riley Finn, beefstick. And then she wished she was dead because it would be better than looking at his face. As the last vamp was dusted Faith went and sat on a tombstone. She lite up a cigarette and sat there and laughed. She couldn't believe her night is ending like this. First, she gets her jollies off with Buffy not knowingly, and then she gets saved by her boy toy beefstick. Then she hears something running toward her from the woods. When the person comes into sight she thinks that this is poetic justice.

"Faith, please wait don't move I need to talk to you" Buffy yells to her breathlessly.

Faith just sits there and looks to Riley knowing he heard her. Sure enough here comes Riley running over to see what is going on. As B approaches me she doesn't see Riley coming from the other side. Riley kind of takes a couple of steps toward us then stops and listens to what Buffy has to say to Faith.

"Faith please I need to talk to you."

"B, I don't think I want to hear anything you have to say. Especially after the club."

"No, I do. Please just hear me out."

"B, don't; not now, not h…" Faith is cut off.

"Faith please don't say anything. I need to do this; I can't leave here until you hear me out. After I speak then you can do what ever you want to do."

Faith just nods but is looking past Buffy right at Riley. "This should be fun." Faith thinks to herself.

"Look Faith about what happen at the club, I didn't mean for it to happen like that. I just got caught up in everything and I couldn't resist. I wanted to talk to you but then it felt like I was being pushed and didn't want it to stop. Then when you ran from me I couldn't just let you walk out of my life again without explaining why I did the things I did."

"What things, Buffy?" Riley says from behind Buffy.

Buffy thinks her stomach jumped up to her throat. She turns around and sees the last person that she wanted to see. The last person she wanted to hear the conversation she was having. Riley was just looking at her with hurt and anger. He didn't know what was going on but he had a feeling it wasn't good.

"Looks like you got yourself in a little pickle here B, and might I add it does seem to be a little pickle." Faith says with a shit eating grin.

"What things, Buffy? What things did you do Buffy?" Riley asks with more anger in his voice.


Buffy can't say a word; she just stands there with a deer caught in the headlights look. She doesn't know what to do. "I can't hurt Riley, he hasn't done anything wrong. At the same time I don't want to hurt Faith anymore than I already have." Buffy thinks to herself.

"I'm just going to leave you two alone so you can figure this out. B, as always it's been a pleasure." Faith says as she is leaving.

"Faith, no don't leave, I need to talk to you." Buffy realizes if she doesn't do something she will lose Faith forever and she can't do that now without explaining to her how she feels.

Faith just looks at Buffy contemplating what to do. She couldn't believe Buffy was actually here and she wanted to talk to her. How could she let Buffy back in her life after everything that has happen? Maybe she doesn't want to be back in my life, maybe she just wants to be friends and forget the past. Could I actually be friends with her? I don't know, but shouldn't I try, I mean it isn't like I have anything going for me now and I could at least be around her.

"Look B, you have things to work out here, I am staying at Angel's tonight, if you want after you guys work things out come see me and we will talk. Ok?" Faith said with a little resign in her voice.

"You sure?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah, but try and not make it too late, you know how Cordy is if she is woken up."

"Yeah I remember. I will see you in a little while." Buffy says with a little bit of hope in her voice.


As Faith walks away Buffy turns around to see Riley just standing there with no expression on his face. "How am I going to do this? He has never done anything to me, how can I hurt him like this?" Buffy thinks to herself.

Buffy walks up to Riley and takes his hand and lead him over to a bench next to a tree and sit him down. Buffy can't sit, she has to pace back and forth and get her words together.

"Buffy, what is it? What is going on, what aren't you telling me? You are acting weird and why do you have to talk to Faith? I thought you hated her. Please, just tell me the truth. I think I deserve that."

"Riley you're right you do deserve to know the truth and so much more. I don't hate Faith, I just told you that so you wouldn't always ask about her. To tell you the truth, I love her. I'm so sorry, but I can't lie to myself or you anymore."

"Ok, I don't understand. How can you love someone that you have never been with or have seen in over a year?"

"Riley, I am going to tell you the complete truth, it will probably hurt you but like you said you deserve to know the truth."

"Ok, let's hear it."

With that Buffy sat down next to Riley and started to tell him everything that has been going on.

"Riley, about 2 months before we meet Faith and I kind of started to date. No body knows about it. It just kind of happened. We were hiding our feelings for each other for years and one night after patrol, it all came to the surface. But I couldn't tell anyone. I didn't think I would be accepted by my friends or family. So we kept it hidden. It was nice for a little while but it started to get to me. I don't like lying to my friends and family. Then I met you, and you were so right for all the wrong reasons. You were stable and a man. You were perfect for what I needed to forget Faith. I knew you would love me no matter what and I could always count on you. You offered me the life that everyone expected me to have. So when you asked me out I had to say yes. But then there was still Faith. At the beginning of our relationship I was still seeing Faith but not as much. I would use different excuses to stay away. Until the last night Faith and I were together. I realized then that if I was going to have the life everyone wanted me to have I had to end it right then and there. So that night I wrote her a letter asking her to leave Sunnydale and never look back. To forget about me and our relationship. But the problem was that she did leave and forgot about me. But I never forgot about her. I just went on, day by day pretending and I can't do that anymore. I am so sorry for everything I put you through and for lying to you all this time."

Buffy finishes her story and Riley is just sitting there with tears in his eyes. He can not believe this is happening. After everything they have been through together, it can't end like this. There is no way this is true, it has to be some kind of cruel joke.

"Buffy, you can't be serious. I love you with all my heart. Is this some kind of cruel joke?"

"I'm sorry Riley, but it isn't a joke. I am telling you the truth. I'm sorry it has to end like this, but I hope one day you can find it in your heart and forgive me."

With that Riley got up and started to walk away. Then he turned around one last time and asked "are you sure?"

Only thing Buffy could do was nod her head yes. They were both crying, but for different reasons. Riley was crying for the obvious reason. His heart was just broken in two. Buffy on the other hand, she was crying because one she never wanted to hurt Riley but two she was happy it was over and maybe she could start a new life with Faith if only she would have her.

With Buffy's nod and a long pause between the two, Riley turned around and walked away. Leaving Buffy there with her thoughts and hopes.


As Buffy was getting closer to Angel's, she was getting more and more nervous. She didn't know how Faith would react to this. She didn't know if Faith would even want her back. Either way she wasn't going to leave L.A. without telling Faith the truth. Buffy was walking up to Angel's door when all of a sudden there is Angel.

"What are you doing here?" Angel asked in a very pissed off tone.

"I came here to talk to Faith, she told me she was staying here tonight."

"She is but I told you to stay away from her. You aren't going to do anything but push her deeper into the darkness and I'm not going to let that happen."

"Angel I don't want that. All I want to do is talk to her. Explain to her what happen a year ago. If she doesn't want me here now or after we talk, I will leave and she will never hear from me again. I promise; no I give you my word." Knowing Angel would believe her if she gave her word Buffy started to walk up the steps to go inside.

"Buffy, please be careful with her. She loves you with all of her heart and I know how that feels. Sometimes it's a better thing to be away than to be with the one you love because that kind of love can hurt sometimes. Don't expect anything from her, she has gone through a lot this past year and I don't want to lose her completely to the darkness."

"I give you my word."

With that Buffy walk inside and started up the stairs to where Angel said Faith was.

...continued in part 11...