Lockdown 1/4 Story For Another Time
by Alexandra J. Campbell aka FuffyChick45
Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Owned by Joss and company, no copyright infringement intended. Don't own. Don't sue.
Feedback: Yes please! It makes all the difference.

So I ended up here faster than I can make my own mentally. A cell for me to pace in,just some more circles for me to run 'round. I'm surprised it turned out like this actually, considering I had a giant deathwish. The twisted side of me, fuck, who am I kidding, that's all I am...twisted, turned, used, abused, AND dismissed. Let's not kid ourselves here people if you saw the damage I inflicted, the things I've done you'd latch onto the pain I deserve, more than I do. I almost want it, no, *need* the shit to survive. It's the only thing I'm used to, well, until the day I met her.

There was some warmth in those eyes. Some tiny spark of understanding that no matter how frigid or shallow it appeared on the outside to the casual observer, I had license to see. I AM her. So she's blond, I'm brunette. She's tight, I'm not. I became colorblind to any of the differences knowing that the blending of us would always become a sultry grey.

Then after watching her slay for the first time I KNEW. We're identical dropped in different places; different circumstances. When push came to shove all I saw of her was me. The way she wields a stake is poetry in motion, a killer to be reckoned with. We're not candy- coating that either KIL- LER. It was to raw for her, to like me for her, but it's the truth. She always has been always will be, as will I. I sit here and think about that first time we slayed together as one of my nameless bitches ingraves 'B' into the blade of my shoulder. Well actually it wasn't together, together. It was me reeling in some unsuspecting goon and grabbing the stake she was holding while she was thinking I was some helpless little princess. I'll never forget that look on her face, any of her looks actually.

Christmas though especially. I had some lame-ass excuse about being invited to some party so I wouldn't have to go through with seeing her. She saw right through it, right through me. My pride was hurt to say the least. We had kissed once and then she neglected to tell me about Angel. I thought any chances of us in any form flew out the window. Back then I wasn't about to play second-fiddle to some undead boy-toy, I still don't think I could, not with her. And now, the IRONY is, I owe my life to the vamp. He's a good man for not being one at all. Almost like a father to me or something. I'm glad he didn't slit his wrist after having to sing "Mandy". I think I might have.

But ANYWAYS, back to X-Mas. B was crazed because Soul-boy was losing all self-control around her, not that I can blame him, I can't talk. Some eyeless creeps were working mojo inside of him to turn him back to the dark-side. Meanwhile I sat there and babysat Joyce and I realized how much B trusted me. Maybe even loved me. And when the snow fell I knew some miracle was going down. I took it as a sign that for once, for ONCE, everything would be ok.

After she came home she found me dozed out lying on her bed clutching onto the black-hooded-Sweatshirt she got me. I recall it being one of maybe 3 gifts I've ever gotton in my whole life. I nestled into it comfortably make-believing it was her and assuming it was her way of saying 'don't wear such tight things around me, because it makes me nervous'. I'm just happy she knew me better than to grab something pastel.

I felt her standing there watching me. Watching my lip curl into a grin I was in no hurry to erase, it was the first in weeks. The first since I saw her last and wasn't fuming in jealousy. I know she knew I was awake, but I was hesitant to let it end. All of a sudden I felt her lips on mine. Soft, pouty, inviting, REEDEMING.

She explored passionately and adimently every crevice of my mouth. By the time we were through not a single part of it hadn't been caressed and stained with the taste of her. And not a bit of me wasn't tingling. My eyes fluttered open and I fumbled for the words to express it, but her finger went hot to my lips, silencing me. She broke out her half smile and said "Merry Christmas" softly, so softly. Oddly enough that was actually one of the few things that was intelligible that came out of her mouth for the rest of the day. Laying beside me she....well it wasn't beside as much as it was on top of, but that's a story for another time.

The End